I’ve been thinking about space. I’ve been consciously making an effort to make room in my life for positive things and people. I’ve been making room in my head as well. My heart has always been fairly open but now I’m choosing to direct my energy towards people and things that lighten it.
It has been fascinating to think about. It has made me look at what has been left behind since the Current Person of Interest is no longer with me, like the faint dust marks on the vanity where his toiletries were. My bed has assumed a Tardis like quality. Where it was the perfect size with him in it, now it is disproportionately larger, a huge empty expanse. In a way though his very absence now fills the space. Like looking at the New York skyline and not being able to see it without your minds eye filling in the twin towers.
It is the same way my Daughter Number One is still so much a part of my life. And both she and the Current Person of Interest, despite the varying losses attached, do lift my heart. So their places in my spaces stay.
Baby Daddy is more food for thought. He will always occupy space in my life, because he is Daughter Number Two’s father. I still do care about him as a human being and as someone to whom I was close. I needed to reign in the space I give him in my life though because I felt as if I was teetering on the edge of a swirling black hole that was sucking me down into it. Historically in relationships I have literally given my all. I am glad that I have finally figured out that I need to be committed to a relationship with myself too.
I am, as I hope to always be, a work in progress.