Posts tagged ‘widowed’

Onward and upward

I started the day on a positive note. A lovely friend was generous enough to share her spectacular holiday snaps with me. They truly were amazing. I have never been out of Australia, and as I was studying her photo’s I was inspired by the idea that this was something I should change. It fits in with my living instead of existing ambitions. Thinking about travel also gives me a focal point in the future to work my way towards, instead of wandering aimlessly from day to day. All healthy stuff right?

 

Travel will take some planning and saving for, especially with three children in tow. My thoughts so far have been that I want somewhere not too far away so that the flight is manageable. Things are so competitive now too, it seems wasteful not to take advantage of it. It would be a wasted opportunity. Daughter Number One grabbed life with both hands and made the most of every opportunity. Doing the same is the best way I have of honouring her.

 

Speaking of opportunities,  there are twelve sleeps left until I see my current person of interest again, which is another positive focal point. If the first line of any book I write is going to be ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger, all that happens is you just don’t die.’ then it’s title will be ‘Can I spend the rest of my life with you if I promise not to live too long?’. The current person of interest and I have been talking about the state of play recently, as you’ll remember from a few posts back.

 

During conversation on this topic the current person of interest said that he would be worried if I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him, or wanted to marry him or have babies with him. Well, yes. So would I.  One of the things I like about this current situation is that I have no expectations, of him or myself. Having been married three times, widowed once and divorced twice I am not in any hurry to tie knots of any kind anytime soon. As my ex helpfully pointed out the common denominator in all these ‘failed’ relationships is me. Truth be told I don’t think there is a promise the current person of interest could make to me regarding any commitment that I would believe anyway. That he doesn’t want to spend his life with me, or marry me or have babies with me- that I can believe!

 

But I also believe that he loves me, that he is my friend and that he is honest with me. I know that while I do count the days until I see him, I am not keeping track of how long we have been doing whatever it is we are doing as some kind of measure. I know that I am enjoying his company and I believe he is enjoying mine. I know I can look forward to an interesting phone conversation tonight.

 

For me, for now, it is not so much about the destination, but about the journey. And he is an excellent travelling companion! 

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