Posts tagged ‘sex’

Sexual healing.

It’s been a big week here at WKDN. I’ve had around 80 more hits than average on the blog, which is a LOT. So, thanks for dropping by, I guess.

One reader came through by searching ‘What do widows do about sexual frustration?’. I’m no expert here, but just in case they roll back through it seems only sporting to try to help them out. My best guess is that widows, and widowers for that matter, let’s be inclusive, handle sexual frustration in exactly the same way as the rest of the sexually frustrated population. Probably in exactly the same way as they did before they were widowed. Like, if they were sexually frustrated and their husband was unavailable at the time, for whatever reason. Because, really, widows are still just women, suddenly single.

If the searcher WAS  a widow, then I’d just like to say I am very sorry for your loss. For all of your many losses, that spread out like ripples from that one first loss. The little losses that you discover each day, and keep discovering day after day, until you think ENOUGH! Because there must be some kind of grief quota and surely you’ve met it already? I’d like to say that it’s o.k., you are still a woman. You are still allowed to have feelings. You may have lost your bearings at the moment but you haven’t lost yourself. Even if it feels like that at times. You’re still in there somewhere, and you’ll find yourself again. Your frame of reference might have changed, your perspective may be different, things around you will never be as they were before. Hopefully if you’re gentle with yourself you’ll find your way back. Or find your way forward. Or find yourself somewhere else, because however you are travelling this is your journey and no one gets to judge you, because no one can walk it for you.  And it’s o.k., however you feel, it’s o.k., and I don’t mean that in a patronising ‘there, there, everything will be o.k. ‘ way, because maybe everything won’t. What I mean is that any feelings you try to run from will sneak up and bite you on the arse anyway, so just feel them. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling and treat yourself with the same kindness you would if any of your friends were in your shoes, except better, because now you REALLY KNOW what it’s like. Internet searching? Hey, whatever gets you through the night is alright. Don’t judge yourself, or feel pressure to be a certain way. You don’t have to set any example, you haven’t turned into the Patron Saint of the Bereaved. You just have to get through. The best way you can.

The very best of luck to you all.


Words don’t come easy.

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.” -Albus Dumbledore

I read the above quote on a posting by SocialJerk at It made me feel neglectful that I’ve not checked in. So I’m here. Not that I have much to say. I am going through the motions at the moment, with my focus on Son Number Two’s upcoming 13th birthday. A teenager. Amazing. I’m keeping busy thinking of ways to make him feel especially special and give his day the gravity it deserves.

Even though I’ve not been here words have still been my lifeline. I have been talking to this guy serving in Iraq. He was telling me what music he likes to listen to. A lot of it was dance music. That made me feel old, mostly because none of it was familiar to me. It would have been, back in the day. You know, when I wasn’t OLD. Still, it is always interesting to hear someone talk about the music that has meaning for them.

More words, with pictures, over at, The Word Made Flesh. This blog showcases tattoos with literary meaning. Since all my tatts fall into that category it’s obviously a style I appreciate, and again, it is very cool to hear people’s stories. Makes me itch for more ink though. Luckily for my bank balance I don’t have any ideas that I’m passionate enough about at present to want them permanently adorning my body. I am still totally in love with the ones I already have,very meaningful, so don’t really feel the need to get another just for the sake of it. Nor do I feel the need to share them with the world by submitting a photo to The Word Made Flesh, although I thought about it. I’m glad other people have. Is it selfish to enjoy looking at other people’s body art while not wishing to share my own? Maybe, but there you go. I am a selfish cow at heart.

In other news Baby Daddy sent me an email this week in which he continued to write as if english was his second language. It took considerable willpower not to pen a viciously sarcastic reply. Which may have made me feel better, assuming he’d be able to understand it. I have been, it must be said, somewhat deflated. Not all my recent online experiences have been good ones. I’ve been lucky to make a few good friends from people I’ve met on internet dating sites. I’m always clear on what I’m looking for. I just don’t do mucking people about. When one of the friends I thought I’d made suggested sex a month ago I was surprised and disappointed.  To say I did not see it coming was somewhat of an understatement. Look, I am a grown up. And I like sex as much as the next girl, honest! But I definitely wasn’t offering it and had no idea he was after it. His proposition was an unpleasant surprise. Still, living in a glass house myself I’ll give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I thought I’d let the dust settle. I left him as a friend on facebook and as a contact on MSN Messenger. Then the other day I was on my Windows Live profile, which is connected to Messenger. It sometimes pops up with friend suggestions – friends of friends that you may like to add to your own list. Except amongst the suggested profiles was one with a photo of a woman’s spread labia. Pardon MSN Messenger? You are suggesting I make friends with what now? Random labia? After the initial double take I flicked open the suggestions page to find a naked woman’s torso gracing another profile. WTF? Where was this coming from? Oh dear reader, you know the answer. Yes, the same guy who’d suggested sex had obviously moved onto surer pastures. So so icky. I felt like taking a long hot shower. Obviously I deleted him from Messenger and fb, but the fact he has a teen-aged daughter and coaches girls soccer – ugh!! It left me feeling soiled. 

I guess the upside is that once upon a time I might have had sex with him, just because he was male and showed an interest. This pushed a lot of buttons for me in terms of objectification of women. Maybe the girls he is talking to are older than their profile pictures suggest and closer to his almost 50 years than to his daughter’s age? Perhaps they are excellent conversationalists and he is interested in their minds? It’s not as if this guy flaunted his choices in front of me, they were randomly thrown up by Messenger, but still. It is clear we are not kindred spirits.

While I was deleting people from fb I had a good clear out of those people I don’t actually interact with. Highschool acquaintances and the like, who just sat there on my friends list, or in my news feed and added nothing of colour to the fabric of my life. My friends list on facebook was under 50 anyway but I culled it down to 34. I don’t miss them. I am clearly an anti-social bitch. I can live with that.

Luckily, there are still the good guys. I saw Barry the cab driver this week. Ah Barry, my love, if only you were single and 20 years younger. I’m also heading out next weekend to see my friend play with his band. In terms of comfort zones this will be pretty far out of mine. My friend will be on stage for the best part of the evening, which will leave me to my own devices. Still, he’s only recently joined this band and it may be my only opportunity to see him play before I relocate, which makes it worth it to me. I will be taking my camera for support though!

Huh. I guess I had more to say than I thought. A mixed bag. C’est la vie.

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