Posts tagged ‘self worth’

WE COULD BE IMMORTALS, JUST NOT FOR LONG.

My day so far has had a certain syncronicity. If I was the kind of person that believed in signs – and I am – then I might be looking for meaning. But then I am also a person who very much believes that if we seek we shall find, so pay attention to what you are looking for.

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I posted the above picture last night on facebook and woke this morning to find two very impassioned comments from a friend in disagreement. This is one of the beautiful things about friendship,the capacity to disagree while maintaining the integrity of the relationship. For me the picture spoke of perception and perspective and of choice and free will, which to me equates to freedom. As I replied to my friend not every devil we dance with or demon we battle is external or even literal. I like that the woman is blindfolded but she knows anyway. Who’s zoomin’ who?

Another friend who posted the poop emoji last night, this morning explained that her account was hacked by her daughter who thought she was being funny. Actually I found it a profound statement and commentary on our times; you can post any old shit on facebook and people will respond to it.

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Also on my newsfeed this morning was a screenshot a friend had taken of an exchange she had on Pinterest with someone who objected to her use of profanity. To me the answer is simple; if it offends, stop looking. But there the complainant was, looking at this account, not liking it and suggesting someone else’s creative endeavour should be moulded to suit their own specific requirements. The response was infinitely classy and observed that they clearly were not meant for each other. Quite.

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As I said in this post once you put your energy out there into the Universe, or the Interwebs which is kind of the same thing, it takes on a life of it’s own. You cannot control how people will receive what you give them. It’s the ‘lead a horse to water’ thing. And by this stage in my life – THANK GOODNESS – I’ve worked out that that is perfectly ok. That all I can do is the best I can do and that the only person I can control is me. Not that I was ever big into controlling others, but being responsible for them? Well, that’s a whole other story! But I’m not. I am responsible for me. I take responsibility for me. And I always give my best. So, if that is ever not good enough for anyone else, well, that’s on them. I’ll keep doing my own thing – living, laughing, loving – and giving thanks for those of you that enjoy the ride with me. You guys are the best!

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Safe onward travel x

When the Dealing’s Done.

Sigh. So, I’ve calmed down now, somewhat. It wasn’t easy, mind, with a follow-up call from Baby Daddy where he assured me that Daughter Number Two comes first with him with nary a trace of irony. Still, I think I was most angry with myself anyway. After all, I’m the one who had a baby with a man-child. I am privileged to know some high quality fathers and to know of others. I know they exist. I get angry at myself that choices I’ve made, to settle for less, have had such a flow on effect to my children. The internet yells ‘Doh!’. Yes, I know, it is rather obvious. Now. Just that I’d not realised how much I was settling before, because I’d never thought about what I deserved or believed I was worthy of better.

For far too long I have aimed too low and accepted too little. Baby Daddy behaves the way he does because I have let him. I am a lot better on this than I was but I shouldn’t have called him to find out when he was next planning to see Daughter Number Two. It is his responsibility to make his arrangements. I was thinking that knowing his intentions would make it easier to plan my own week ahead, but actually I can just plan my own week and any adjustments will need to be made by Baby Daddy.

Other people will be who they are. My job is deciding what I will or won’t accept.

 

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