If we lived in a perfect world relationships would end on notes of mutual respect. People would not treat their children as possessions to be divided like the spoils of war; collateral damage of overblown egos. Co-parenting would be more important than winning in a game where there can only ever be losers. Custody battles are a blood sport where children are the trophy. At the end of the day, when all the scurrilous allegations have been made and the damage has been done, do you really think your children will be thanking you? Or do you think that once they are old enough they will just decide for themselves?
Posts tagged ‘parenting’
Well, that was a week. I’m still shaking off the coughy coldy thing that’s had me in its grip – it branched out into some nice sinus pain this week – lovely! I’ve tried to make the most of my days before the school holiday chaos descends, and I think I’ve been successful in doing so but I feel absolutely WHACKED tonight, and have a hot date with Mr Codeine and my bed very shortly. Anyway, anyway…..
Thursday started off in a dramatically pathetic fashion. Despite setting the alarm for some revolting time of the morning – and I still don’t know why – it failed to go off. This was a problem as I had to get Son Number Two to school early for a school excursion. He wandered sleepily into my bedroom 5 minutes before we had to be at school and despite breaking all previous dressing records we arrived at school 8 minutes after the coach was scheduled to leave. And it had, in fact, left. Fuck. No Mummy points for me then. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. To compound my feelings of utter uselessness Son Number Two was very casual about the whole thing. I couldn’t decide if he was trying to spare my feelings, or if he is so used to having a pathetic excuse of a mother that it really was no surprise to him, or if he truly didn’t care that he’d missed the coach, and so the excursion. Arrrrgghh!
So I decided I could keep feeling sorry for myself and wallow in pitiful, or I could take the opportunity to spend some time with Son Number Two, just the two of us. Son Number One had school and Daughter Number Two was at preschool so we headed to the beach in the next suburb. When we got off the bus we headed down onto the sand, and it promptly started to rain, so we decided to prioritize lunch. It was a good decision. We shared pizza and nachos and drank coke (which the kids aren’t allowed usually, but it was not a usual day). We talked and ate, and ate and talked. After lunch and despite the freezing cold rainy, windy weather Son Number Two felt some ice-cream was in order. We found him some and once again headed to the beach. The sun came out teasingly as we played and laughed and took some great photo’s. At one stage great fat drops of rain started to fall and we ran, laughing, towards the path, only for it to stop just as we reached it. It was freezing and damp and beautiful and magical. I loved it. More importantly HE loved it. And I love him.
I have a beautiful friend, truly beautiful inside and out, who has an equally beautiful daughter. My friend’s daughter was honoured with a Kids in Community Award this week. After struggling through some hard times she is now working with various youth bodies to raise awareness and improve the lot of our young people. She is 15. She is amazing. Things she has lived though others would not survive. Others still could use their experiences as an excuse for the rest of their lives and no one would blame them. This young lady has chosen to pick herself up and give back. It’s not the fun choice or the easy choice, but she’s doing it.
I’m not going to make some trite statement about making lemonade from lemons. I don’t think every cloud has a silver lining. What I do think is that whatever the state of the weather or your surplus of citrus you just have to get on with it. Where you’ll get will vary, but at least you won’t still be where you were. You put one foot in front of the other and you keep going. Like Dory says ‘Just keep swimming!’. I’m also a great believer in choices. There are things that are out of our control, but even then you can choose how you react. Every day I get up in the morning is a choice. It’s not always the easy choice or the fun choice, but it’s still a choice. Somehow knowing that makes it easier for me.
Yesterday Baby Daddy arrived at my place to pick up Daughter Number Two transported by his new lady. This was purely my assumption as he had said nothing prior to their arrival and didn’t state the obvious when they arrived either. The enthusiastic introduction to Daughter Number Two out the front of my place was a bit of a giveaway though. To clarify, I am not fussed by Baby Daddy finding new love. I do mind that he had not the common decency to say ‘Look Kate, when I pick up Daughter Number Two today I’ll be with my new girlfriend’. No more, no less. I do not need an explanation, he does not need my blessing. But a heads-up would’ve been nice. Since they were coming to pick up my daughter, from my house.
Upon his return I said to him ‘Baby Daddy, it really would not have cost you anything to just acknowledge the situation, would it?’ He blustered with apologies, and expressed regret, citing the changed nature of our current relationship (read as ‘the fact you no longer let me walk all over you’). And I thought ‘How? HOW does any state of play affect your basic decency functioning?’ And then I realised: it doesn’t.
This was going to be a cheery post full of smug happiness. Smug because I have managed to keep to my more exercise less food thing, and happy because there are only 5 sleeps to go until the Current Person of Interest arrives.
Unfortunately, and for people who know me fairly predictably, just as things seemed to be looking up it all crashed and burned. Son Number One had an ‘incident’ at school that ended with him assaulting a teacher. There are no excuses for this behaviour. However, for those of you with any Aspergers or Autism experience I am sure it will provide some clarity to note that the teacher grabbed Son Number One, who then went off his head.
That was where it ended. Well, it is really just the beginning but that was the final straw today. I’m not sure where it will end. I expect that as this is not the first ‘incident’ we are looking at expulsion. The thought of finding, arranging, and starting again at a new school exhausts me. How to manage Son Number One’s behaviours just causes me despair. I am trying so hard, but it is becoming more and more difficult to balance the needs of everyone depending on me, including my own although they are way down the priority list.
I just want to dive head first into lots of food that isn’t very good for me. Unfortunately because I started the day on a more positive note I didn’t buy any food that I can self medicate with. I mean, there’s food, but nothing like Mars Bars or cake or scones with jam and cream or frozen chocolate cheesecake bits or caramel covered popcorn- you get the idea. Part of me thinks this is a good thing. Part of me just doesn’t care at the moment.
I feel so defeated. It has all just knocked the wind out of me.