Posts tagged ‘online dating’

Words don’t come easy.

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.” -Albus Dumbledore

I read the above quote on a posting by SocialJerk at www.socialjerk.wordpress.com. It made me feel neglectful that I’ve not checked in. So I’m here. Not that I have much to say. I am going through the motions at the moment, with my focus on Son Number Two’s upcoming 13th birthday. A teenager. Amazing. I’m keeping busy thinking of ways to make him feel especially special and give his day the gravity it deserves.

Even though I’ve not been here words have still been my lifeline. I have been talking to this guy serving in Iraq. He was telling me what music he likes to listen to. A lot of it was dance music. That made me feel old, mostly because none of it was familiar to me. It would have been, back in the day. You know, when I wasn’t OLD. Still, it is always interesting to hear someone talk about the music that has meaning for them.

More words, with pictures, over at http://tattoolit.com/, The Word Made Flesh. This blog showcases tattoos with literary meaning. Since all my tatts fall into that category it’s obviously a style I appreciate, and again, it is very cool to hear people’s stories. Makes me itch for more ink though. Luckily for my bank balance I don’t have any ideas that I’m passionate enough about at present to want them permanently adorning my body. I am still totally in love with the ones I already have,very meaningful, so don’t really feel the need to get another just for the sake of it. Nor do I feel the need to share them with the world by submitting a photo to The Word Made Flesh, although I thought about it. I’m glad other people have. Is it selfish to enjoy looking at other people’s body art while not wishing to share my own? Maybe, but there you go. I am a selfish cow at heart.

In other news Baby Daddy sent me an email this week in which he continued to write as if english was his second language. It took considerable willpower not to pen a viciously sarcastic reply. Which may have made me feel better, assuming he’d be able to understand it. I have been, it must be said, somewhat deflated. Not all my recent online experiences have been good ones. I’ve been lucky to make a few good friends from people I’ve met on internet dating sites. I’m always clear on what I’m looking for. I just don’t do mucking people about. When one of the friends I thought I’d made suggested sex a month ago I was surprised and disappointed.  To say I did not see it coming was somewhat of an understatement. Look, I am a grown up. And I like sex as much as the next girl, honest! But I definitely wasn’t offering it and had no idea he was after it. His proposition was an unpleasant surprise. Still, living in a glass house myself I’ll give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I thought I’d let the dust settle. I left him as a friend on facebook and as a contact on MSN Messenger. Then the other day I was on my Windows Live profile, which is connected to Messenger. It sometimes pops up with friend suggestions – friends of friends that you may like to add to your own list. Except amongst the suggested profiles was one with a photo of a woman’s spread labia. Pardon MSN Messenger? You are suggesting I make friends with what now? Random labia? After the initial double take I flicked open the suggestions page to find a naked woman’s torso gracing another profile. WTF? Where was this coming from? Oh dear reader, you know the answer. Yes, the same guy who’d suggested sex had obviously moved onto surer pastures. So so icky. I felt like taking a long hot shower. Obviously I deleted him from Messenger and fb, but the fact he has a teen-aged daughter and coaches girls soccer – ugh!! It left me feeling soiled. 

I guess the upside is that once upon a time I might have had sex with him, just because he was male and showed an interest. This pushed a lot of buttons for me in terms of objectification of women. Maybe the girls he is talking to are older than their profile pictures suggest and closer to his almost 50 years than to his daughter’s age? Perhaps they are excellent conversationalists and he is interested in their minds? It’s not as if this guy flaunted his choices in front of me, they were randomly thrown up by Messenger, but still. It is clear we are not kindred spirits.

While I was deleting people from fb I had a good clear out of those people I don’t actually interact with. Highschool acquaintances and the like, who just sat there on my friends list, or in my news feed and added nothing of colour to the fabric of my life. My friends list on facebook was under 50 anyway but I culled it down to 34. I don’t miss them. I am clearly an anti-social bitch. I can live with that.

Luckily, there are still the good guys. I saw Barry the cab driver this week. Ah Barry, my love, if only you were single and 20 years younger. I’m also heading out next weekend to see my friend play with his band. In terms of comfort zones this will be pretty far out of mine. My friend will be on stage for the best part of the evening, which will leave me to my own devices. Still, he’s only recently joined this band and it may be my only opportunity to see him play before I relocate, which makes it worth it to me. I will be taking my camera for support though!

Huh. I guess I had more to say than I thought. A mixed bag. C’est la vie.

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Sunday bloody Sunday

Moments of quiet contemplation today. Time to ponder life’s big and important questions. Like, can I lose a few kilograms in two weeks so I can wear my new dress to see my friend play in his band? And what impression is someone who has 27 pictures of themselves on their dating profile really trying to make?

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio….. and all of it is out there on the interwebs.

 

I would walk 500 miles.

I’ve been following the entertaining Courtney Beck’s quest for love. You can find her at http://reasonstodatecourtneybeck.tumblr.com/ . Although Courtney is a girl looking for a girl the themes in her writing are universal. Der! Because love, whatever your sexual orientation, is a universal human need. To love and to be loved in return. I really like Courtney’s style and I admire her bravery in putting herself out there. Her quest is as much about self discovery as it is about discovering another and for many reasons, obviously, it resonates with me.

Talking with my friend last week we were speaking of similar things. He’s met someone who he is excited about and they’ve been spending time together. I am excited for him. This is a really good guy; smart, funny, talented in numerous ways, who was badly burnt in his last relationship. It’s not just his love life that has been rejuvenated, other areas of his life are blooming as well. To see him hopeful and living his life again, instead of just existing, it’s – it’s hard to find the words really, without sounding patronising, but it gladdens my heart. We were discussing how far you go for love. He has relocated once in the name of love and if things progress with his current interest he’ll be faced with doing so again. It seems to me though, that geography is the easy bit. If he has found his muse then surely that is the hard job done?

He is a friend I met through an internet dating website. He has been, and continues to be, a part of my own recent development and growth. It was a challenge to put myself out there and respond to his initial email, but the pay off has been enormous. Each time we talk or meet I learn more about myself. It is a good, mutually beneficial friendship. My forays into the world of internet dating have shown me there are good quality guys out there, and that people are mostly all looking for the same things.

So, how far do you go for love? Whether you start your own website like Courtney, or move to be closer to the one you love, or step out of your comfort zone it seems to me that love involves putting yourself out there on some level. Taking a chance. Making yourself vulnerable. Bob Marley said “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”  The Goo Goo Dolls sang ‘You bleed just to know you are alive’.

That’s what I’m trying to do. Keep living. Keep loving. One step at a time.

A Good Heart

Meeting people on the internet is not for the faint of heart, that is for sure. For the second time this week I find myself explaining to a very good-looking 28 y.o. why I am not ‘the One’ for him. I am just not cut out to be a heartbreaker. The only thing crueller than rejecting him though, would be to lead him on. The fact is that we are at very different places in our lives. He plays guitar and goes out singing karaoke at weekends and my life is full of responsibility. He can assure me that the age difference – twelve years – is not an issue for him until the cows come home but the gap in terms of lifestyle and experience would be harder to bridge.

Don’t get me wrong, it is supremely flattering to have this young, good-looking guy tell me that I am the one he is attracted to. Although, you know, he hasn’t actually met me so I have to take it with a grain of salt. Gosh, it may come to that – meeting him so as to turn him off! Aaaah! But there is just no meeting of the minds, and I really need that kind of stimulation. So, for the second time I’ve been frank and firm. He’s a sweetheart, just not MY sweetheart. I made a promise to myself to be more social this year, and I’m sticking to it – just between you and me it is hard work. There are definite benefits, I have met some lovely and interesting guys, who are now friends. This kind of thing though, where I am hurting someone’s feelings, necessary or not, is difficult. It makes me want to withdraw. But this is life I guess. Like I said the other day, putting yourself out there is inherently risky. So is letting people into your world.

Time to suck it up, take a few deep breaths and decide what to do with my child free Saturday night.

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