Posts tagged ‘messenger’

Words don’t come easy.

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.” -Albus Dumbledore

I read the above quote on a posting by SocialJerk at It made me feel neglectful that I’ve not checked in. So I’m here. Not that I have much to say. I am going through the motions at the moment, with my focus on Son Number Two’s upcoming 13th birthday. A teenager. Amazing. I’m keeping busy thinking of ways to make him feel especially special and give his day the gravity it deserves.

Even though I’ve not been here words have still been my lifeline. I have been talking to this guy serving in Iraq. He was telling me what music he likes to listen to. A lot of it was dance music. That made me feel old, mostly because none of it was familiar to me. It would have been, back in the day. You know, when I wasn’t OLD. Still, it is always interesting to hear someone talk about the music that has meaning for them.

More words, with pictures, over at, The Word Made Flesh. This blog showcases tattoos with literary meaning. Since all my tatts fall into that category it’s obviously a style I appreciate, and again, it is very cool to hear people’s stories. Makes me itch for more ink though. Luckily for my bank balance I don’t have any ideas that I’m passionate enough about at present to want them permanently adorning my body. I am still totally in love with the ones I already have,very meaningful, so don’t really feel the need to get another just for the sake of it. Nor do I feel the need to share them with the world by submitting a photo to The Word Made Flesh, although I thought about it. I’m glad other people have. Is it selfish to enjoy looking at other people’s body art while not wishing to share my own? Maybe, but there you go. I am a selfish cow at heart.

In other news Baby Daddy sent me an email this week in which he continued to write as if english was his second language. It took considerable willpower not to pen a viciously sarcastic reply. Which may have made me feel better, assuming he’d be able to understand it. I have been, it must be said, somewhat deflated. Not all my recent online experiences have been good ones. I’ve been lucky to make a few good friends from people I’ve met on internet dating sites. I’m always clear on what I’m looking for. I just don’t do mucking people about. When one of the friends I thought I’d made suggested sex a month ago I was surprised and disappointed.  To say I did not see it coming was somewhat of an understatement. Look, I am a grown up. And I like sex as much as the next girl, honest! But I definitely wasn’t offering it and had no idea he was after it. His proposition was an unpleasant surprise. Still, living in a glass house myself I’ll give anyone the benefit of the doubt. I thought I’d let the dust settle. I left him as a friend on facebook and as a contact on MSN Messenger. Then the other day I was on my Windows Live profile, which is connected to Messenger. It sometimes pops up with friend suggestions – friends of friends that you may like to add to your own list. Except amongst the suggested profiles was one with a photo of a woman’s spread labia. Pardon MSN Messenger? You are suggesting I make friends with what now? Random labia? After the initial double take I flicked open the suggestions page to find a naked woman’s torso gracing another profile. WTF? Where was this coming from? Oh dear reader, you know the answer. Yes, the same guy who’d suggested sex had obviously moved onto surer pastures. So so icky. I felt like taking a long hot shower. Obviously I deleted him from Messenger and fb, but the fact he has a teen-aged daughter and coaches girls soccer – ugh!! It left me feeling soiled. 

I guess the upside is that once upon a time I might have had sex with him, just because he was male and showed an interest. This pushed a lot of buttons for me in terms of objectification of women. Maybe the girls he is talking to are older than their profile pictures suggest and closer to his almost 50 years than to his daughter’s age? Perhaps they are excellent conversationalists and he is interested in their minds? It’s not as if this guy flaunted his choices in front of me, they were randomly thrown up by Messenger, but still. It is clear we are not kindred spirits.

While I was deleting people from fb I had a good clear out of those people I don’t actually interact with. Highschool acquaintances and the like, who just sat there on my friends list, or in my news feed and added nothing of colour to the fabric of my life. My friends list on facebook was under 50 anyway but I culled it down to 34. I don’t miss them. I am clearly an anti-social bitch. I can live with that.

Luckily, there are still the good guys. I saw Barry the cab driver this week. Ah Barry, my love, if only you were single and 20 years younger. I’m also heading out next weekend to see my friend play with his band. In terms of comfort zones this will be pretty far out of mine. My friend will be on stage for the best part of the evening, which will leave me to my own devices. Still, he’s only recently joined this band and it may be my only opportunity to see him play before I relocate, which makes it worth it to me. I will be taking my camera for support though!

Huh. I guess I had more to say than I thought. A mixed bag. C’est la vie.


A little less conversation….

I think I’ve made this confession before in a previous post, but I actually remember a time when there was no internet. No email, no IM, no World Wide Web. It’s a bit trippy to think about considering my dependence on it now. This was highlighted again for me recently when the always interesting LatumWay took a hiatus from his YouTube channel and I experienced an actual feeling of loss. There are blogs and sites I visit weekly, some daily, and they make up a large part of my interaction with the rest of humanity – a pretty sad indictment if ever I heard one, but the truth none the less.

I also love instant messaging, with MSN Messenger being my fave. I love words, and I have no patience. Instant messaging and and I were always going to be a match made in virtual heaven. It was hammered home to me last night though that even this favourite form of entertainment/interaction has its limitations. I was talking at length, on Messenger, with a friend. We were talking about relationships, and the ghosts of relationships past. While friendships over the internet some times develop quickly, having an air of intimacy enhanced by the safety of being able to hide behind your computer screen, there are times when the written word just doesn’t cut it. My friend was recounting the loss of an amazing love and started to cry, and I was speechless. There were no words, nor emoticons appropriate to the occasion. All I wanted to do was reach out and hug him.

We spoke about having that one person who gets you, in ways no one else does. Who speaks the same language even in silence. Oh how I want that. And it occurred to me then, that as much as I love my computer and the internet, that type of connection is only really achievable in the ‘real’ world. I’m not knocking internet friendships or relationships. I’ve been lucky to have a few good ones myself. And luckier in that I’ve managed to parlay some of them into ‘real’ life ones. I just need to tip the balance from weighing heavily on the virtual to including more reality. The realness, the rawness, the agony and ecstacy- I want it all!

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