Posts tagged ‘marriage’



I am sitting in an airport with Son Number Two and it is the most at home I have felt in months. Yesterday marked twelve years since Daughter Number One died. It is beyond comprehension and although I acknowledge it must be so, given the date and the year, my mind baulks each time it registers. Because HOW? How is it possible that you can live twelve years after your daughter is murdered? There’s nothing about that that makes sense. So I stop trying. 
This morning I had a message from my friend. The same dear friend that kept answering her phone each and every time I called her during that long dark night twelve years ago. I called her many times and she always answered. I am so lucky to have friends who always answer. This morning my friend’s message asked ‘Have you heard the news about Daughter Number One’s father?’ and I said no, so she rang me. 

I think I knew before she spoke, what she was going to say before she said it. He is dead. Has died this past weekend. Killed himself. 

The last time I spoke to him was our Daughter’s funeral. He was there with his wife and three young sons. After she died we had nothing left in common, out of the little we had in common to begin with. He introduced me to Led Zepplin and we listened to Dire Straits and Madonna. He was the husband in my child bride marriage, my first boyfriend, my first lover. He was the father of my daughter. He leaves behind three young sons and I can’t even deal with the crushing sadness of it. 

In one of his finer moments, of which he had a few, Baby Daddy once said to me ‘I don’t know what is wrong with you Kate! Two of the people you’ve been with have killed themselves and all they had in common is you!’. When I relayed this to Son Number Two today he said ‘That is as stupid as saying they were both human beings and all they had in common was you’ and I know it was an empty statement made by a small man. But still, but still….

The guilt claws at me and I cannot get rid of it anymore than Lady Macbeth could feel she’d removed the blood from her hands. 

So I’m at an airport, because I have friends who always answer. Son Number Two is watching me walk into the Men’s toilet without telling me because it’s funny and he could use a laugh. And there’s a full moon tonight. 

Love each other x 



Hey guys, this is the speech I gave at the wedding. As I waited to speak on the day it suddenly occurred to me what an extremely long time it had been since I had done any public speaking at all, like, over a decade at least. Which was when I began to get very, very nervous. Anyway, it seemed to go alright, so, enjoy!:

William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no; it is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests, and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.”

Looking around this gathering of the Happy Couple’s family and friends it is easy to see many kinds of love. The love of parents for their children and children for their parents, of siblings for each other, the love of extended family, the love of friendship – we are surrounded by it!

What I think William was saying in his sonnet is that love seeps into our very souls and stains us and that love becomes part of who we are. Love gives us shelter in life’s storms and love is the light that guides us home. At the end of the day, when all else is lost, love is what remains.

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments”. Every relationship has it’s challenges but love is what prevails; over time, over distance, during disappointments and trials. Love endures, love connects, love strengthens. For ten years the love between the Happy Couple has endured. They have a lovely home, a strong partnership and two gorgeous daughters that stand as testament to their love. It doesn’t get realer than that. Their love has brought together this gathering and our love for them will support the Happy Couple and their family as they go forward into the future.

I’ll close with the words of another poet who is close to my heart:

“You must be my Lucky Star
‘Cause you shine on me wherever you are
I just think of you and I start to glow
And I need your light
And baby you know

You must be my Lucky Star
‘Cause you make the darkness seem so far
And when I’m lost you’ll be my guide
I just turn around and you’re by my side”

Happy Couple, you have found your lucky stars in each other, which makes you very lucky indeed. Thank you for the honour of sharing this day with you.


Ain’t love grand?

I have had a nice warm fuzzy feeling today. This is possibly due to the codeine I have ingested but I like to think it is because I am feeling happy and loved.


It is also because Rove and Tasma got married. Not that I know them mind you, but I know of them and wish them every happiness. Like I’ve said before I’m pro any displays of love and commitment people want to make to each other. I love a good wedding. I think it is the whole optimism of the thing. It is all so hopeful. It’s not only the ceremony though, in fact it’s not even the ceremony really, it is two people pledging themselves to each other. I love good marriages and good relationships too. They don’t have to validated by a piece of paper, although everyone should have that option if they desire it. There is just something really special about people taking that leap of faith together. Declaring their love and their belief in it, and each other.


It has always been a commitment I have taken seriously but as I’ve said here before I think now is more about me exploring what commitment the other person is making. After three husbands and two divorces I’m not going to be rushing down the aisle. I would be sad though if I never again had a relationship worthy of ‘forsaking all others’ , whether formalised by a ceremony or not. When I am in a relationship I give my all. The trick is to find someone who is worthy of it, while not losing myself. Someone who is willing to give me his all would be a good thing too, someone whose all is worth having!  So, I live in hope! It is hard to keep my Sagittarian optimism down!!


Things are going along nicely with the current person of interest.  As I said at the start of this post I feel happy and loved and today that has alot to do with him. I feel really lucky that I can explore this relationship, while also finding my own direction, and that so far one has only enhanced the other. It’s a good place that I am in, and I wish that for you too.


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