You can’t go back. You can only go forward. Each day I am taking steps into my future. Every day really is the first day of the rest of your life. As Robert Frost said “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life; it goes on.”
Returning to the place I live I brought with me one hundred kilograms of luggage. I went to the storage unit I hold and brought as much as I could back with me. I still don’t have a home of my own but each day I come closer to being able to build one for myself.
This weekend has been an interesting one. I went out for lunch with my young friend and it was super cool to hear about his job and how he is settling in here. We went out and found a very funky place to eat. It was called ‘The Beach Shack’ and it is as it’s name suggests. Very relaxed and with a cheerful, eclectic, eye catching decor. The food was good too! We placed our order and I ordered the same as Son Number Two and my young friend, who was paying, ran his eyes down the menu and said “Is that because it’s the cheapest?” And I laughed at his insight as he swatted my head with the menu. We will catch up again soon and I am looking forward to it.
The coming week is full of meetings; some ‘business’ and accommodation related and some pleasure. I will be meeting with a new friend and I am excited by that. It goes on.
A last supper of sorts. A guitarist plays and sings in the candlelit room and people chat and laugh. “I needed the shelter of someone’s arms and there you were…..” It is surreal and I am present but apart.
Physiology update: still shaking. “‘Cause when it comes to being lucky she’s cursed, when it comes to loving me she’s worse.” My heart has intermittently been hammering in my chest and my breathing is harder to control. “How does it feel. to be on your own, with no direction home…” (I swear I am not making this up. Love Dylan though. And this guy is rocking the harmonica.)
I feel floaty. Like I am not really here or there or anywhere. And therein the epiphany!
I am a ghost already.
“When I’m home everything seems to be right…” Ah, you’ve gotta laugh!
Post script: He’s playing ‘Lola’ now. I can’t laugh at that.
I’ve stuff listed on eBay at the moment, and had answered a query from a guy interested in some of my items. (Doesn’t that sound like a euphemism?) In responding to him I called him by the wrong name. Then, because I don’t do things by halves, I posted his question and my response onto the item listing so EVERYBODY could share in my humiliation. Before I realised my error I hasten to add; I’m not that much a glutton for punishment. Although if you ask me to choose between being thought a masochist or a garden variety idiot it’d be masochist every time, but that’s another post for another day as the delightful Courtney Beck likes to say. Gah! Not my finest moment. A shame too, as he’d asked an interesting question and I was curious to know why. After much apologising Ben forgave me and rewarded me for getting it correct by telling me why he’d asked his question. We were talking the finer points of vintage AC/DC records. I was most excited to find particular markings he was looking for, and to discover what they meant. It was like a treasure hunt for me. I love hearing people’s stories and I love to learn new things; the why’s, how’s, the in’s and out’s. Tell me something I don’t know, and I’m in heaven. So we spent a happy couple of hours flicking emails back and forth. We made each other laugh, and I learnt a bit about the items I’m selling. Not a shabby way to spend time, and a definite pick me up.
After I signed off from Ben the AC/DC aficionado the Michael Jackson song ‘Ben’ was going through my head. Did you know that song is from a movie soundtrack and is, in actual fact, about a RAT? Seriously! And I know this because one night, well, it was the wee hours of the morning actually, when I was very young, my Malcolm took me back to his parents house after a night of dancing. He’d fallen asleep in his car in the club car park and we narrowly missed being locked in. We arrived back at his to find his folks still up; big coffee drinkers, big smokers and night owls all, in that family. The movie playing was ‘Ben’. So we sat and watched the rest of the film with them, drank coffee, they smoked. The lyrics ‘Ben, the two of us need look no more. We’ve both found what we were looking for. With a friend to call my own, I’ll never be alone. And you my friend will see, you’ve got a friend in me’ – ALL ABOUT A RAT. Good times though.
My mind goes from AC/DC to Michael Jackson, from entertaining strangers to lost lovers. Keep laughing, keep learning, keep loving. Keep putting one foot in front of the other ’til I get to the other side. Oh, and don’t try to answer two buyer questions at once, especially when half asleep.