Posts tagged ‘hurt’

COME ON BABY.

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My list of things to do is getting shorter. Don’t get me wrong, it still has a lot on it and some of those things are not inconsequential but I feel a sense of achievement in ticking things off. It isn’t easy but by putting one foot in front of the other I’ll get to the other side. That’s all you can ever do; just keep swimming.

Even though I know at the end of the day it is ultimately up to us to save ourselves I never, for a second, forget my gratitude for those who have helped me along the way. Those who have travelled with me as far as they can and those who travel with me still. I’ve said before that all you can do is carry the good with you and move forward and gratitude is part of that.

Over the last four years I have faced a lot of fears. This generally hasn’t been by choice and there have been times and events that have been very, very difficult. Still, I look back over the last several years – in snatches short enough to bear – and can see how far I have come. I have had the privilege and the pleasure of knowing some extraordinary people who have taught me so much. Even the difficult things and people who weren’t so pleasurable had lessons for me.

I have gotten to know myself better; my likes, dislikes, tolerances, deal breakers. Ghosts that have chased me for years have been stared in the face and dissipated under the scrutiny, as they often do. Worse case scenarios have eventuated and yet, here I am, still standing. I have much more confidence in my capabilities. Sometimes the inspiration has come from others because you want to be like them, sometimes because emulating them seems a fate worse than death. Either way the inspiration is there for the taking! You just have to pick it up and go with it.

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One of the things crossed off my list this week was getting my Nana’s ring repaired. You remember the story of being reunited with Nana’s ring don’t you? If not, it’s here.¬†The ring was split on the back and I needed to get it resized for my freakishly thin fingers. So, I did. And now it adorns my hand, all sparkly, the brightest I have ever seen it after being cleaned by the jeweller. Work with what you have, clean what needs cleaning, fix what is broken, change what isn’t working for you. Carry the good forward and along the way try to pass it on.

Live, laugh, love and DANCE! 

Safe onward travel x

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DO YOU NEED ANYBODY?

As I said in my last post, I am not going to be the one who tells you it’s going to be easy. Because it won’t. Sometimes it will be a night so hot that your clothes stick to your skin and the heat presses down on you like a weight. Sometimes you will be looking for that funny picture you saved on your phone for a friend and you’ll come across a photo of a boy, peacefully asleep in his bed on Christmas night and it will hurt so much to see it that you literally cannot breathe. Sometimes the pain will be so overwhelming you will cry yourself to sleep, the tears burning like acid down your cheeks.

Then the morning will come (even though the mourning is still there) and you will pick yourself up, slowly, and dust yourself off, slowly, and keep on living. If you are lucky, like me, you will have the most gorgeous friends beside you. The ones who hold you close in their hearts and give you a safe place to rest. If you are that lucky then you will count your blessings even while your heart aches. Because what else can you do?

My Young Friend was going to bed the other night and said, as he often does, ‘Love you Kate!’. I responded in kind and he asked ‘Getting sick of hearing it?’ And I said ‘No’ and asked him back ‘Getting sick of saying it?’ And he smiled and said ‘Never going to happen!’.

Which is what I’m counting on x

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