Posts tagged ‘home’

I MIGHT ONLY HAVE ONE MATCH. 

Over the last six months I have stayed in five different places but now, finally, I am somewhere that I can make my own and settle awhile. It feels good! 

I like being able to have my own things around me and to decide where things will go. Lovely and generous friends have gifted me things I may need and it has been like little mini Christmases each time something arrives. I love things, and people, that come into my life with stories! And they always come with stories! Even if you don’t know their histories you can imagine the journeys they have taken to cross paths with you. They have seen other places, been touched by other hands. 


I looked down at my hands earlier this week; at my chipped, blood red, Chanel nail polish. I thought to myself that they were an apt metaphor for my life, or for me! Imperfect but still vibrant, or something! 
There are many exciting things coming up for me and new adventures with old friends. Some of my lovely ones are coming closer to me and some I will be travelling to see. There is much for me to appreciate and more again to look forward to. When I awaken in a panic for the third night in a row and find a message from a friend on the other side of the world, their thoughtfulness is enough to soothe me, and I know I am a lucky girl! 

Wherever we are or wherever we’re from, wherever we’ve been or wherever we are heading the truth for me is this; we are all just passing through. 
Safe onward travel x 

NO MATTER WHERE I ROAM. 

  
This time next week I will be thousands of kilometres from where I am now. I am travelling to attend a wedding. As I’ve said, I adore weddings! They are full of optimism, hope, faith and love. Because this is the wedding of two people I care deeply for it is even more special to me. 

While I am away for the weekend I’ll be meeting up in person with friends I have only spoken to online – one of my very favourite things to do! Making the virtual real! I am also going to spend time with other people – and animals – that I have loved for a long time now. And two plane trips each way! I love to fly! So I have lots to look forward to.  

   
Having lots to look forward to is handy because things have been quite hard for a little while now and the next week has more Baby Daddy induced trauma, none of which I am looking forward to at all. 

If home is where the heart is then it is both a blessing and a curse that bits of my heart lie everywhere, near and far, thanks to my gypsy soul. Bits of me that remain and live on in places I have been and people I love.  Even getting on a plane feels like home because in a strange and somewhat corny way when I am flying up there above the clouds I feel closer to my Daughter Number One. 

At the end of the day we all want a place we can lay our heads. Somewhere safe, secure and warm we can relax and be ourselves. Whether that is a person or a place or just a feeling of inner peace, it is something I am still working on. 

I guess I’ll know it when I find it. 

Safe onward travel x 

  

You better be home soon.

“The ocean is home Katie, it is where we come from, a long, long time ago. Home is always close to the heart.” – wise words from my lovely Knight, Sir Popeye.

I am looking forward to heading back to my side of the island but I have stopped short of saying I am heading home. Losing the first real home I have ever known has made me hesitate. ‘Come home’ He said and I did. Now that is gone. It is a blow and I don’t feel yet like anywhere is home anymore, although in terms of accommodation there are a few options I will explore on my return.

My friend and I travelled to the Eastern-
most point of Australia yesterday. I stood there and truly knew, literally as well as in every other sense, that I have gone as far as I can in this place. Nice symbolism. My plan is to travel to the Western-most point of the country. I am an ‘all the way’ kind of girl.

I loved what Popeye had to say. I like the idea of the ocean being home. If the ocean is home then the world is my home which fits in nicely with my travel plans. And it is close to my heart. Home is where the heart is. It is indeed. If I follow my heart I will find my way home.

There’s no place like home.
There’s no place like home.
There’s no place like home.

If I only had a Brain.

I don’t think I will find any kindred spirits here, but then I haven’t much spirit left. There’s a fair bit of denial within me tonight. This can’t be right. I cannot really be here. But then I remember I’ve nowhere else to be. I don’t think I have ever felt as alone as I do right now.

I’ve probably mentioned, dear readers, that I find social situations awkward. I’m not really a joiner. But my morning health professional encouraged my participation in a therapeutic group.

Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore. I’ve had some loooong hours in my life but I felt every second in that little room. The two young occupational therapists were enthusiastic and attractive, the female with an Irish accent.

To my left was a young male with angry looking sores all over his body. He was very vocal about being conditioned by the system and labelled by the organizations. Passionately vocal. To my right was an older gentleman with no anger issues, except for the time he threatened a magistrate and two lawyers and how last August he threw a chair around the room at a course he was doing and took out seven computers. Then there were two women perhaps my age or younger? Both blond and tanned and over accessorised, who talked about their stays in rehab. And all the while in an adjacent room someone else screamed and shouted for the duration. You’ll forgive me for missing afternoon arts and crafts.

I just want my safe place. I just want my home. There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. But the witch and her flying monkeys seem to have won.

That’s not the way the story is meant to end.

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