Posts tagged ‘Facebook’

WE COULD BE IMMORTALS, JUST NOT FOR LONG.

My day so far has had a certain syncronicity. If I was the kind of person that believed in signs – and I am – then I might be looking for meaning. But then I am also a person who very much believes that if we seek we shall find, so pay attention to what you are looking for.

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I posted the above picture last night on facebook and woke this morning to find two very impassioned comments from a friend in disagreement. This is one of the beautiful things about friendship,the capacity to disagree while maintaining the integrity of the relationship. For me the picture spoke of perception and perspective and of choice and free will, which to me equates to freedom. As I replied to my friend not every devil we dance with or demon we battle is external or even literal. I like that the woman is blindfolded but she knows anyway. Who’s zoomin’ who?

Another friend who posted the poop emoji last night, this morning explained that her account was hacked by her daughter who thought she was being funny. Actually I found it a profound statement and commentary on our times; you can post any old shit on facebook and people will respond to it.

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Also on my newsfeed this morning was a screenshot a friend had taken of an exchange she had on Pinterest with someone who objected to her use of profanity. To me the answer is simple; if it offends, stop looking. But there the complainant was, looking at this account, not liking it and suggesting someone else’s creative endeavour should be moulded to suit their own specific requirements. The response was infinitely classy and observed that they clearly were not meant for each other. Quite.

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As I said in this post once you put your energy out there into the Universe, or the Interwebs which is kind of the same thing, it takes on a life of it’s own. You cannot control how people will receive what you give them. It’s the ‘lead a horse to water’ thing. And by this stage in my life – THANK GOODNESS – I’ve worked out that that is perfectly ok. That all I can do is the best I can do and that the only person I can control is me. Not that I was ever big into controlling others, but being responsible for them? Well, that’s a whole other story! But I’m not. I am responsible for me. I take responsibility for me. And I always give my best. So, if that is ever not good enough for anyone else, well, that’s on them. I’ll keep doing my own thing – living, laughing, loving – and giving thanks for those of you that enjoy the ride with me. You guys are the best!

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Safe onward travel x

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FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD.

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Since we were without power this morning for hours and hours I have almost finished the packing. Now the power is back on I can fine tune my travel details and make some bookings. The last twenty four hours have brought numerous reminders of how tenuous and fleeting life is. I just need to stay focussed on the road ahead.

There was a facebook outage the other day that lasted just under an hour, so I believe. Apparently Tinder and Instagram went out too. What was most remarkable about that, aside from the fact the world kept turning, is that I didn’t notice. I only knew about it from the news later. Keeping busy is the way to go at the moment and I am filling my days with real life interactions. I have one friend who has deactivated her facebook account and another who has cut down her usage. I haven’t made any bold resolutions myself but practically speaking my focus has shifted. Don’t get me wrong, my love affair with the internet has not diminished; it has brought me far too many gifts for that! However, as I said, I am engaging more with the ‘real’ world and that cannot be a bad thing! I guess too much of anything isn’t healthy. I’m aiming for balance.

Safe onward travel x

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WHY? BECAUSE WE LIKE YOU!

If Disneyland is the happiest place on earth then the place I spent two hours in today is surely the anti-Disneyland! The queues are still long, it is just as busy, the ride can have your heart in your mouth but the fun factor is zero. Today I took the first step on a road I don’t want to go down but the only alternative was to do nothing and a step in any direction gets you further than standing still. 

A friend wrote some kind words on my What Kate Did Next facebook page last night and I’ve had lots of lovely messages from friends today. I really am blessed. Ed, who writes at The Infinite Fountain ended his latest post with this sentence “But this much is clear, we cannot do this alone.” I do not pretend to speak for anyone else but I could not do this alone. 

Since starting my What Kate Did Next facebook page the views here have increased. Thank you for letting me know that you are out there and that even if you cannot always agree with me or understand, you are hearing me. As I’ve said and really cannot say enough I am lucky to have amazing friends. The Love of My Life was by my side today and I am more than lucky to have him in my life. 

I truly am a lover not a fighter but I’ll fight for those I love. And I am not fighting the good fight alone. 

Travel safe x 

The long and winding road.

 I need to pull myself back together a little bit after a week of downhill slide and self medicating with food. So, it’s count my blessings time. Of course I am blessed by my children and so grateful for them, but I’ll not talk about them now, it’s been a long week and I’m hurting still. I’m blessed with my friends who walk by my side down the road less travelled. But they are a post for another day. Instead I’ll talk about the blessing of finally, finally, finding a safe place to land. And though I read her post after I started writing this, I’ll dedicate this one to Lori, because ‘hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things’ – and she should hold onto it.

I changed my relationship status on facebook yesterday. That is to say I acknowledged my relationship status on facebook, after a long while of not having it up there at all. I’ve never really felt the need to advertise either way, but for me it was truly about acknowledgement. I’m in a good place at the moment, due in no small part to the company I am keeping. And to not say that I’m in a relationship, to not acknowledge that significant part of my life, something that gives me such happiness, it just seemed wrong. And you know, as I’ve said above, my dear friends who walk beside me in this life – they walk beside me through all the crappy stuff. Shouldn’t they get to share in the good stuff too? Facebook for me has always been about connecting with my friends and I share photo’s and music and mostly everything else – save for what I share with you here dear reader! – so it became more of a why not? And I had no good answer. The simple fact is being with The Man I Am In Love With makes me very happy. And I’m proud to be with him, to walk at his side. It’s not something I want to hide, being the open book I am.

So up it went. “Kate is in a relationship”. In actuality Kate could not be more ‘in’ than she is, but there are many times on this part of the journey that I have to mentally pinch myself so I can almost believe it is real. Some of my incredulity I think, is because I have loved him for a long while now, and so wanted to be here whenever we were apart –  that to be here, with him, is still somewhat surreal. And some of it, I know, comes from the fact that he is so fucking amazing! This last week alone has given me multiple opportunities to think ‘Holy fuck! I’m actually with him! He’s really something. Really, really something!’ And the fact he’s amazing isn’t a recent relevation; it is those two things thought together – he is amazing and I’m with him. It blows my mind.

The night of the day that would have been my Daughter Number One’s 23rd birthday ended with The Man I Am In Love With walking inside and saying to me “I’m off to bed. You coming?” I hesitated and said “I’ll be in in a bit”. “Why?” “Because I just need to fall a part a little bit first” “Why?” “Because today would have been her 23rd birthday!” “Well, all the more reason to come to bed then, isn’t it? You aren’t alone, are you? Are you?

Kate is in a relationship.

Edenland's Fresh Horses Brigade Post script: I’ve linked this into Edenland’s FRESH HORSES – this week she asks “What’s your own personal sign that things will be ok? That you’re safe, in the world. That something or someone has your back.” The Man I Am In Love With has my back and my home with him is my sanctuary.

Private eyes, they’re watching you.

There are times when I cope less well. Minutes, days, months, weeks when things are just harder to bear. Like having to send photo’s of my Sons to the mother of the man who killed my daughter, because I am required to do so by Family Court order. Things just spin a little bit out of control at times like these.

 

My sleep suffers. I have headaches. My immune system crashes. My eczema flares. It is harder to stay in the present. I struggle to focus on day to day tasks. My mind freezes with flashbacks from the past. 

 

 I think probably it is because so much was hidden from me that now I am constantly searching and asking and checking. Although I have always had a curious nature at times like these it is hard to impossible to keep my curiousity in check.   I love social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter but I do have to say they only feed my quest for information. This week has proved particularly fruitful. I found several estranged family members and cast from my past. So bizarre to see a child of a sibling who I will never meet. To see familiar faces with the realisation they belong to strangers. 

 

In a way though it makes me feel like no-one can hide from me again. Especially not in plain sight. It also validated decisions I have made to cut people from my life for the sake of our ( mine and my children’s) well being. I did not feel regret or loss. Maybe sometimes looking back helps you to move forward?  

Sweet dreams….

I am tired. Tired, tired, tired. This has been a long week with appointments, two visits to Nana, Daughter Number Two’s paternal grandparents in town and general day to day craziness. Just to top things off nicely for the last two days Daughter Number Two has been boycotting her daytime sleep. As she is only just two years old, and doesn’t sleep exceptionally long hours at the best of times, skipping the nap turns her into into an overtired, cranky little person. She is usually an extremely pleasant easy going child, but sleep deprivation doesn’t help anyone.

 

Funny I should mention sleep deprivation because last night she decided sleeping at night was overrated as well. She went to sleep at 8pm. I went to sleep around midnight. She woke up at 1am, 2.20am, 6am and we were up at 7am. Daughter Number Two does not appear to be ill, she was well fed and watered. She was warmly dressed because she routinely kicks her covers off. I have no idea what is behind the moratorium on sleep.

 

On the plus side I have no nightmares to report. And it is Saturday- thank goodness for that!! No school, no appointments, no visits with Baby Daddy. I have been able to slide into the day gently. Sort of slump into the day really. I have eaten a comforting breakfast with lots of carbohydrates and a chocolate chaser. I have read all my favourite blogs. I have done numerous quizzes on Facebook. And now I’m here talking to you.

 

 It is really cold and grey and miserable outside. It is perfect snuggling weather. Ideally I would be in bed, with a good book and the current person of interest, music playing  softly in the background, toasty warm and comfy. I would read for a little bit, have some cuddles and disappear into a few tender kisses before letting my eyes drift shut and getting washed away on a wave of peaceful sleep. I would dream of bunnies and kittens and soft laughing babies and only stir briefly as the current person of interest snuggled in closer and held me tighter.

 

Instead the best I can hope for is that she finally exhausts herself enough to give in and sleep today, because if I don’t get a break at halftime I’m not sure where we will be by dinner time. Daughter Number Two has hit the ground running as usual and is currently very busy peeling off all the Dora stickers Baby Daddy put on her play equipment for her yesterday. This was inevitable. I am not fighting it. I am saving my strength for the big sleep battle of 2009.

What’s love got to do with it?

Today is a good day for thinking outside my own particular box and looking at the bigger picture.  I’m not a big news follower. It makes me sad and erodes my will to live. I am however a huge Twitter follower. The election in Iran and it’s aftermath is all over Twitter at present and it is amazing me again the power people have when we work together for the common good. Marlee Matlin posted a mind blowing video link http://bit.ly/K317G which really made me think about the atrocities committed in the name of love. Love of country, love of God, love of freedom. I guess this is part of my ‘What is love?’ quest on a global scale.

 

I am heartened by the tenacity of the Iranians who are speaking out. Their determination to fight for what they believe to be right and their determination to be heard. I am also buoyed by the outpouring of support they are receiving from across the planet, not just via Twitter but YouTube and Facebook ( http://www.facebook.com/groups/edit.php?members&gid=115210055140#/group.php?gid=115210055140) too. It really is power to the people, to impact their own destinies. Even in oppression and heartache and fear we have choices. It is a reminder to me that although so many horrible things happen in the world there are good things happening as well. There are things that are worth fighting for.

 

VIVA LA REVOLUTION!

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