It’s been a big week so far. The Current Person of Interest arrived safely and Son Number One is not getting expelled. The mood of the week has been a bit bipolar. Almost like a ‘Sliding Doors’ kind of vibe with two alternate realities. The Current Person of Interest and I actually had two proper, real dates, where we got to get dressed up and leave the house without little people in tow. That was very exciting! The first night I managed to eat a delicious meal without anybody on my lap, finger painting with my food. The only person who ate off my plate was me!! What a luxury! The food was great, the company was first class, and it was an altogether perfect evening. The second evening we went to the movies, where I saw my first film rated over PG in literally years. It was blissful to sit in the darkness holding his hand. Imagine, I was sitting down for two hours straight! We have more fun to come as the days go on, provide I can organise some short term respite for Son Number One.
Son Number One was at a weekend respite for the above nights out. It makes me feel so guilty to feel the change in the whole vibe of the house when he is not here. It is like this huge weight lifts and stress levels plummet. Not just in me, but all of us. Unfortunately, all that happens in reverse on his return. Son Number Two is now old enough to be aware that his older brother is different, and is angry and resentful about it. He thinks it is not fair, and he’s right, it’s not. It is such a struggle to balance all their competing needs.
As things stand Son Number One is suspended for awhile, but there is a big meeting this Thursday so I guess we’ll see what happens then. Obviously no expulsion is good but my heart is just broken at the thought of the small progress made but now lost. To keep fighting these battles, on the home front, on the school front, it is just exhausting. I am exhausted.
So these are the flip sides of my coin at the moment. Pleasant interludes with the Current Person of Interest interspersed with fighting children and family crisis’. But in the middle of the night, when the Current Person of Interest reaches out to me half asleep and pulls me close to him, and wraps my arms around him, and his around me, in that stillness there is only peace and comfort and love.