This morning I received an email from the legal firm representing Baby Daddy in a little difference of opinion we are having. The email came from an underling of the actual representative, who bluntly asked for Daughter Number One’s birth date with just her first name. There were a few things that bothered me about this. One was that this person is a stranger to me and did not know my daughter so I felt less familiarity and more respect would have been appropriate. Secondly, Baby Daddy and I actually got married on what would have been Daughter Number One’s 17th birthday. I met him less than twelve months after she died; even if he couldn’t remember which birthday I married him on he knew how old she was when she died. So, you know, do the math, genius. But he WOULDN’T. EVER. BE BOTHERED. Because all she ever was to him was an opportunity for exploitation; whether he was throwing her death at me to score points in an argument or spending the compensation money received from her death. He is a class act.
It’s funny the things that go through your head. Aside from everything else I lost in that car, on that day, there were the other incidental things that I kept discovering as time went on. My little niece’s shoes. She lived with us at the time. Not her only shoes but a favourite pair. She is in high school now. Son Number Two’s comfort teddy blankie. The one he’d had since before he was born. That was a bit of a blow. Luckily I had a spare but although it was the same, it wasn’t the same. It hadn’t been as well loved, it wasn’t as worn and soft from use. For weeks afterwards looking for things and then realising.
It is over a year now since my beloved Nana died. Even so, because she died during Easter last year it is almost as if I am now having a delayed reaction to the anniversary. I miss her.
The other day facebook told me the police officer involved in the case was having a birthday. A few days before that it had been pictures of his son’s birthday that pictured him with both his son and daughter. Star Wars themed. Very cool. He’s not a police officer any more. He was very decent to me. He still is. We are facebook friends. I wish him well. Life is weird.
Tonight I will spend time with the Love of My Life and a young friend from an older time as well as go to see more recent friends and meet their new four legged baby. If I’m very, very lucky I might be able to wrangle a motorbike ride, which would be just the therapy I need probably. That and the company. Just keep swimming, right?
Safe onward travel x
Easter. Originally a fertility festival – hence the eggs and rabbits. Symbolizing new life.
As a back drop to chocolate eggs and foil covered bunnies is the concern that my Nana may actually die before I go over for my intended visit in two weeks. She has deteriorated since yesterday and though I no longer have access to my favourite medical professional I am sure enough that being on morphine and nursed in bed are not positive signs.
I knew when I left that I may never be able to hug Nana again. More than most I know that life turns in an instant and with Nana’s advanced years there was every chance that I was spending time with her for the last time. The place my sister and I found for Nana is of a high standard and she has excellent care. No, it is not the same as having your family around you but my Nana has lived her life and at times made tough choices to do so and there would be no condemnation from her. It is just internal. That woman thing of being not enough, not able to be all things to all people all of the time.
It does seem cruel though to get close enough to seeing her that I am looking forward to it and envisioning myself and my children with Nana and hoping against hope that someone will be able to lend me a camera and receiving a phone call this morning to tell me it’s only a matter or time, they just can’t say how much time. It could be tomorrow or two weeks from now.
Why are there never easy choices? Just varying levels of hard?
Live, laugh, love. x
The 3rd Annual ‘Feed my Daughter fish on Good Friday’ argument has begun, brought to you courtesy of Baby Daddy. For the newcomers among us I’ll just reaffirm my nonbelief in any organised religion. Attending Catholic girls schools can do that to you. Baby Daddy as well, has shown no religious inclination since we met. Perhaps he went to a Catholic Girls School too? That would explain so much. The exception is Good Friday each year when he suddenly decides that he truly believes that his daughter ingesting meat products cannot be tolerated on religious grounds. Ahem.
My argument is that this tokenistic and meaningless gesture is itself sacrilegious. This is the man whose stance on Marriage Equality is that it should be banned on religious grounds because some people believe marriage should only be between a man and a woman. Not that that’s what HE believes mind, but that because some people have religious objections those objections should be respected. I’m all for respecting differences. I just don’t believe ones persons differences should dictate another’s rights. To ask that his daughter not be fed meat on Good Friday is hypocritical in the extreme. My points however, fall on deaf, irrational ears. Every year.
This year his argument petered out to ‘It’s for her Grandmother’s sake’. Right. This would be the Grandmother who sees Daughter Number Two about once every 18 months? The one who last time she was in town decided NOT to see her at all because she’d had an argument with Baby Daddy? The one who only gets photo’s of Daughter Number Two when I send them because nobody else cares enough to bother? Yep. That one. Riiiiggghhht. What a compelling argument.
Aren’t holidays fun? Can’t wait for next year.