Apropos of nothing, I just want to say how much I love music. It has such power, to empathise, to uplift, for escape. I’m sitting here today flicking through songs on YouTube. Some I know, others I’m just discovering. A couple had been upload by someone with the handle ‘Musicsavesmysoul’ and I saw that and thought ‘Yes, indeedy.’ This is the closet to religion I’m ever going to get.
It took me a long time to actually listen to music again. With pleasure. Nothing like choosing tracks for funerals to suck all the fun out of it. Now, it’s on all the time, different things as the mood strikes me. On the odd occasion when I have been sans enfants I’ve had the luxury of turning it up really loud and letting the bass beat through my body, drowning out my pulse. Music, like the written word, makes room for me to disappear for a little while. I loved being in the choir in highschool for the same reason- not just to miss classes. I remember seeking refuge in a televised Dire Straits concert, when they toured Australia in the ’80’s, while the fight between my mother and the stepfather raged around me. I don’t have many childhood memories but that one survived.
Music is a part of who I am although I lost it somewhere along the way. Not just after Daughter Number One died but before that. My love of music had been stifled by being someone’s mother, someone’s wife. Now, it’s helping me find my way again. Finding my way back to me. Music = Good. And even on those days when I’ve forgotten the words to life I’ll try to just hum along.