I am still putting the pieces of myself back together and have not hit my stride yet. I do think I am making progress though, and yesterday was a good day. I had a meeting to talk through what kind of respite care for the boys might work best for us. This is very exciting! The boys have been allocated ten units of respite care for this financial year. It will cover things like weekend camps, recreational groups, excursions and vacation care and besides giving them some regular fun will provide me with some time out. It is almost beyond my comprehension that they will have regular periods where they can have a break from me and from each other. Son Number One will also hopefully meet some kids like him, and make some friends. It is all good.
It also parallels other thoughts I have been having lately. I have been blissfully spending the week with the current person of interest and it really has been lovely. However, we have never actually spent anytime doing anything without little people present. We have never had a grown up outing and even when all the children are asleep in bed I still have my Mummy ears on and my attention divided . The current person of interest takes this all in his stride. Much of this week has been a comedy of errors mixed with the usual chaos. If I were to place a personal ad it would start ‘come join the circus!’, but the current person of interest just acknowledges that this is the reality of the situation.
Of course this is true. I have three children living with me. The father of my sons is dead and Daughter Number Two’s Baby Daddy can only commit to seeing her at my house where I can look after them both. I totally envy parts of Nessa Pink’s (www.itspink.wordpress.com) domestic set up. I have been thinking that I might really enjoy some grown up time for myself, and I definitely think that finding some grown up time to share with the current person of interest should be one of my more immediate goals. As with most things in my life though, this will be complicated.
Over the last few weeks when I have not been at my best my Dad and stepmother have taken Daughter Number Two for a couple of hours on two occasions. This has been lovely for all concerned. My parents dote on her and she loves the adoring attention she gets from them. It has also allowed me to feel slightly less guilty about not being at my best. It gave me time and space to assume a vegetative state which is all I had energy for. Unfortunately because of Son Number One’s restricted school hours it did not mean time to myself. He entertained himself during those few hours but still, as grateful as I am, it is not the same as actually having time for myself.
The grandparents are not an option for providing me with some child free time. They cannot manage the boys and certainly could not cope with the three of them en masse. Baby Daddy is not an option for Daughter Number One for reasons too numerous to mention. That’s it for the local family support. Son Number one will be doing some over night respites, at least I’ve booked him in for one and I’m praying it goes well so I can book him in for others. Son Number Two has occasional sleepovers with his best friend. Daughter Number Two is too young to really be spending any significant time away from me. So, I guess I’m going to be looking for some kind of professional in home care, for the occasional night out, for three children- one toddler, two special needs. That doesn’t sound expensive does it? But a sound investment and I think I’ve earned it.
Yay!! More good news!! I just had a phone call from Son Number Two’s teacher, and his hours are increasing by four extra per week. Every little bit counts!! He also said some very nice things about Son Number One’s progress which were very nice to hear.
Things of my Nana’s I had organised to be moved to my house while I was away last weekend arrived yesterday. There are some really lovely things that I will treasure and it was like a bittersweet Christmas opening and unwrapping things last night. It also provided a moment of hilarity. Baby Daddy was here, full of pompous bluster. He was inspecting things as they were unpacked and looked at a dinner set which I had mentioned to the current person of interest was by Noritake. “Oh!” he snorted “This is not real Noritake, it’s says it’s made in China. Noritake comes from Japan!” Since the value of the dinner set for me is in the fact is was my Nana’s and that it is very beautiful I declined to argue with him. It was only when Baby Daddy was outside smoking later that I unwrapped another piece to find the mark on the bottom said ‘Noritake CHINA’ and then underneath ‘JAPAN’. So, not made in China, but china. Whereupon the current person of interest- who has a charming sense of the ridiculous- and I had to adjourn to the hallway to give way to helpless laughter. It was the highpoint of my evening and is still bringing a smile to my face today.
Anyway, things seem to be heading in an upward direction for me and I have one last day to spend with the current person of interest before he is homeward bound so I am off to enjoy his company. I’ll let you know how I go with the whole child care mission!