Posts tagged ‘ADHD’

You’ve got a friend in me.

A special request this evening, from my Bronwyn, to write about the good stuff. She has a fair point. That I am broken-hearted, you know. That Baby Daddy is a complete bastard has also been covered and remains unchanged. There are still good things and good people however, and for them I am truly grateful.

While I was away, as I was for three weeks, my Father and Step Mother offered to look after Daughter Number Two for a weekend to give Baby Daddy a break. So, off she went to be spoiled in ways only doting grandparents can. Son Number One had been telling me how much he was missing his brother and sister, and as his respite house was only around the corner from my parents house I suggested he arrange to visit with Daughter Number Two while she was there. The next day I had a call from Son Number One. “Mum!” he said “We are all together!”. He had arranged for Son Number Two and his carers to also meet up at his grandparents, so the three of them could spend time together. My Son Number One, with all his issues – his ADHD, his Asperger’s, his epilepsy, his chromosomal abnormality – had arranged to get together with his two siblings, so they all could spend some time together. And then, as if that was not enough, he called me to let me know that they were all together. Perhaps it is only the parents of other special needs kids who will understand the enormity of this for me. Maybe all parents can appreciate the gift of knowing you have taught your child something valuable, something useful. My Son Number One, who lives in his one step removed from life bubble, reached out to his siblings and brought them together, and then included me in their reunion. I could not be more proud. I am proud of him, and I am proud of me, because whatever my failings my children understand family and they understand love, and that is down to me.

Son Number One’s carer had only nice things to say about him, when I met her today. Similarly, the carers who’ve had Son Number Two both this time and last, a different couple each time, are falling over themselves to care for him again if needs be. I spent two nights with Daughter Number Two before she headed off for an interstate holiday with Baby Daddy today. Both nights she slept soundly and peacefully, and left me with smiles this morning, secure in herself and in her relationships with both her parents. I think for so long I have been caught up in the day-to-day struggle for survival that I have not paid enough attention to the strengths that have been there, both in my children and within myself. There are good things here, as my Bronwyn pointed out, and I should take as much credit for them as I do for the rest.

While I was away I met with Ann O’Neill, director of Angelhands , an organisation offering support to those affected by violent crime. It was a very positive meeting for me on a number of levels. I was relaying to Ann what I saw as one of my failings; that I have taught my children how to survive and not to live. Her response was that some parents did not even give their children that. That I may not be doing as well as I feel I should be, but that teaching my children to survive was not teaching them nothing. I have watched my children over the last two days and have seen their resilience. They know they are important to each other. They know that they are loved. They know how to make the best of a situation. They don’t lie down and give up. Things may not be quite as they expected, or as they perhaps would like, but they get on with it. Perhaps some of this is in spite of me, but some of it has to be because of me and the things that I have taught them. My children’s resilience is a good thing. Their connectedness to each other, and to me, also a good thing. Meeting with Ann O’Neill, visiting the Angelhands office, hearing about the work they do – all very good things. All hopeful things that speak positively of the future.

My friend Bronwyn, a very good thing also. A definite kindred spirit. Everyone should have one. I am so lucky that I do.

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Saturday

I woke up feeling anxious this morning. The current person of interest and I had a minor misunderstanding last night. That is really all it was, nothing of any substance. But I had been floating around in a bliss bubble for a few days and I guess it hurts to fall back to earth. I am frustrated with myself about this. Frustrated because I feel like Maxwell Smart in the show’s (Get Smart) credits when he is walking away and all the different doors are clanging shut behind him. Frustrated because my reactions and feelings are so out of proportion with actual events. Frustrated because I don’t want to live a life ruled by fear but it is so much damn hard work not to just curl up and hide. Frustrated that my relationships and day to day life will always be seen through a prism of past betrayal.

 

On the plus side Daughter Number Two slept in until 8am. OH! MY! GOD! This is a miracle and as I couldn’t force myself to sleep until nearly 2am it was much appreciated. Just fyi, for comparison, Daughter Number Two was awake the night before from 11.30pm until 3am. Obviously she was catching up on some sleep but her timing was fab. Because it is Saturday I didn’t have to be up earlier to get the boys to school. It was very good! Decent sleep equals weird dreams and nightmares for me but I am kind of resigned to that being the price I pay. I can’t say I feel completely rested but I feel human and that’s a step in the right direction!!!

 

Also on the plus side; I had a call yesterday from a case management service. They are coming to see me next Thursday to discuss how they can help with support for Son Number One (Epilepsy, Asperger’s Syndrome, ADHD). I am quite exited by this. Like the respite I am hoping that this will mean big quality of life improvements for us all. Now if we could just get the appointment we are waiting on for Son Number One to have an MRI then things would really be falling into place. I do feel like I am managing things better on a day to day basis. I do feel like I am making progress, however slow.

 

So, I’m going to keep counting my blessings, and taking one step at a time. I’ve still got a few things to unpack and organise from my Nana’s and three kids to look after, so that should keep me busy! Cuddles from Daughter Number Two help alot too!

 

 

 

 

It never rains around here….

My Son Number One is fifteen years old today. It hardly seems possible. I’m sure it was only yesterday I was seventeen myself? Son Number One towers over me and wears men’s size 12 shoes. He looks even older than  the fifteen years old he is. Each day is a struggle for him as he faces life with diagnoses of Asperger’s Syndrome, epilepsy that has been uncontrolled for over two years now and ADHD. Son Number One looks like a young man but still needs to grow into his body. It can be difficult when others expect more of him than he is capable of. It can be difficult when he is aware he is different to others his age. For his birthday he has asked me to make him a red lego brick cake. I have given it my best shot and will let you know his reaction in a later post.

 

Number One Son is now older than his elder sister was when she died. This time six years ago Daughter Number One was helping me decorate a Thomas the Tank Engine cake for his birthday. Ten days later she died. As hard as I try I can’t shake that association.

 

My head is aching and once again I have to marvel at fate’s perverse sense of humour. We awoke to wild weather. I packed the boys off to school and bravely set out with my newly two year old to tackle last minute birthday tasks. By 9.45am I’d been informed the schools were closing, so I had to drop everything, take a taxi trip to two schools, pick up two boys and then go back to the shopping centre to continue with what needed to be done.

 

I was very disappointed for Son Number One as I’d organised a pizza party for his class to celebrate his birthday which naturally had to be postponed. He seemed to take it in his stride but it still sucked. I managed to drop and lose $30 in my travels which also sucked.

 

Anyhow, we finished everything that needed to be done and headed for the safety of home. Within half an hour of walking in the door the phone rang. It was a friend of Son Number Two, a rather unfortunate boy to whom I have an almost allergic reaction. He wanted to come over and play. HELL NO! I know my limits and this would have pushed me over the edge. No sooner had I hung up than another of Son Number Two’s friends was at the door wanting to come over. I succumbed to what was seeming like the inevitable, and as this boy is quiet and low maintenance definitely the lesser or two evils. I then lamented my obvious stupidity in not having thought to pack my kids off to friends house’s.

 

I am now finishing this post the next day as the electricty kept going on and off yesterday. After the forth time I admitted defeat. We have awoken today to grey skies with sunshine peeping through. The massive winds have stilled. I fell asleep to howling winds and lashing rain. The house sounded like it might blow away and I was hoping my windows would hold. I woke in the early hours of the morning and was actually disorientated by the quiet. The schools are again closed today, because there is much to clean up.

 

My head is still aching and after another night of nightmares I am fairly shattered. This has been such a busy week and I have felt overwhelmed. The constant low grade headache is a fairly sure sign I am overloaded. The rain has started to fall again and the sun is back in hiding.

 

As I said the electricity was patchy last night. I am hugely grateful we didn’t lose it completely!! Because of the weather the local pizza place was not doing deliveries. As I don’t drive this meant no pizza for the birthday boy at all!! We made the best of it though and I think he still had a good day. Oh! And he loved his cake!

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