Today is Daughter Number One’s birthday but she is not here to share it with me. There are no more days to share with her. Despite that, she is so very much still part of my life on a daily basis, because when all else is gone love is what remains.
One of Daughter Number One’s high school friends met up with me recently at the airport as I was in transit. She brought with her a scrapbook compiled after Daughter Number One died; photo’s, poems, newspaper clippings. Even after all this time there were still things, written by her friends, that I didn’t know and hadn’t seen before – an unexpected gift. One thing that several of her friends wrote was that her favourite saying was ‘Live life like there is no tomorrow’. What a body blow. But you know what? My Daughter really lived by that. And she loved the same way; wholly and passionately. And she was loved in return. She shone so brightly we still feel her warmth and are guided by her light.
My pain today means Sam was here and I loved her. She existed; she loved, she lived. I miss her because I knew her. To know her was to love her. And to be loved by her was very special indeed. Of course I wish she was still here but I don’t wish away the pain because it reminds me how lucky I am to have known her at all. For that I will always be grateful.