Last night we were watching a film on DVD. The Love of My Life had chosen it and said it was more my type of thing so I was already feeling a bit special. We sat together and I felt the warmth of his body pressed up against my side, my hand resting on his thigh. It was a good little film called ‘About Time’ and I was enjoying it. I liked the cast, the performances; I was enjoying the story line.
Then, out of nowhere, one of the songs I played at Daughter Number One’s funeral came on. I averted my eyes from the screen and nestled my face into the cool hardness of his upper arm as the song played on. After it stopped I tried to refocus on the story but the song was stuck on repeat in my head. I cried myself to sleep.
That there had been a young boy killed by his father in the news that day didn’t help. My defences were already depleted. It was the second similar story in the last few weeks that had made it past the veil I usually throw over the news media which meant fighting any trigger was going to be an uphill battle.
In the middle of the night I woke, gasping for breath in the throes of a panic attack. As I lay there I felt strong, gentle arms creep around me and pull me close and I let myself breathe. And I lay in the dark and eventually it was morning. I got out of bed tired, head aching, breathing hard still. I was unsettled by residual anxiety from whatever nightmare I’d woken from. I came out to make our coffees to find an envelope addressed to me on the kitchen bench. I studiously ignored it.
The Love of My Life picked it up and tossed it to me. I looked at him. I looked at the card. I picked up our coffees and walked them over to him on the sofa. Before I could sit down he said ‘Well, open my card then’. So I went back for it.
I opened a beautiful card, clearly chosen with care. And inside, oh! inside!, there were his own words, so powerful and full of meaning. And I cried again and kissed his shoulder and we drank our coffees and finished watching the film. When the obligatory car crash scene came on he reached across and covered my eyes, because that’s what he does.
Really, what more could a girl ask for?
Wishing you love and safe onward travel x