On her way home from our farewell to Nana my Sister and her family stopped off at the place where half my Daughter Number One’s ashes are and sent me a photo of her and her gorgeous boy there. He is wearing an ‘I love New York’ t-shirt and seeing that makes me think ‘I must go there’. It has been a life long dream and if I had a bucket list it would be on it.

We have stayed the weekend at Son Number One’s home. It is a beautiful home and it is lovely to spend time together as a family. The horses, as promised, came up to the fence to eat apples out of our hands.

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It has been full on though and I am exhausted. My children’s needs have not become any less diverse or juggling them any easier. On top of that I am juggling grief. The loss of my Nana and everything else I have lost recently.

They say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone but I did. And if you don’t then more fool you. If you love something set it free? What a crock. If you honestly are so full of yourself that you think you have the ability to ‘set them free’ when all you are doing is cutting them loose then you are totally discounting their own self determination and freedom of choice. If they don’t come back it’s not because they weren’t yours. They were yours when they were there, right by your side. It just means you told them to go away and they have more respect for your freedom of choice and self determination than you do. Everything you give and everything you accept is a choice.

Things happen but the way you respond is a choice. I am so sick of passive aggressive personal responsibility dodgers. Stop pretending things just happen to you, without any input from you and that change will happen independently of you. Man up. I’ve made some tough decisions in my life, but I own them and I live with them.

Life is short my friends. Carpe diem.

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