So far today one woman has attacked another, a code black was called and then fifteen minutes later staff advised over the intercom to ‘stand down’, the alarms have gone off three times (and the day isn’t done yet) and as I write a staff member, male, has stopped outside my door and asked a female staff member to come with him as ‘there’s a female arcing up and I need a female with me’. Cue more shouting and screaming.

‘Do you feel safe?’ they keep asking. Ah, no. I may be crazy but I’m not stupid. Most of the people here have been here before. They know each other. There is a camaraderie that I don’t want to develop. There is a competitiveness about medications and war stories and I watch in bemusement. My roommate, who arrived on the same day as I, is being discharged. This is very good for her and very bad for me. She was the least threatening person here and I am apprehensive about who will take her bed.

There is an unlocked area and a locked area. When people have violent outbursts they are moved to the locked area. Then moved back to the unlocked area. Excellent. There is communal dining, which is noisy and painful and my nurse tonight is lovely but very touchy feely and DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT TO BE TOUCHED? But I say nothing.

I wonder at the state of my life. This whole situation was brought about by the evil machinations of another, which continue unabated. You know, I wouldn’t have believed it possible but here we are. On the plus side; I’m still losing weight.


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