Son Number Two lies shivering beside me. He is sick and even the sun that shines this morning is not enough to reassure me when I don’t know where he will be sleeping tonight.
There seems to be a growing feeling amongst my friends that I should go back from whence I came. It is not as simple as it may seem. Yes, that is where Son Number One and Daughter Number Two live. But I would not be going back to a rent subsidized four bedroom home full of expensive furniture and my three children. I would be going back to condemnation and judgement. No accommodation in a place where rentals are extremely difficult to secure and rents are high. Even if I found somewhere to live I have no furniture. I can bear being on the other side of the country and being apart from Daughter Number Two. I can bear being apart from Son Number One; he is eighteen now and all things being equal he should be independent of me. What I could not bear, though, would be to live near to my Daughter. Near enough so that she would be within my reach, but not have her with me. That I could not bear. And at the end of the day I was miserable there. It was never home to me. It was just somewhere I lived.
I am grateful for the love and concern being showered upon me. My knights, you know who you are! The irony is that but for He Who Shall Not Be Named I would know none of you. Had He not challenged me to make friends and perversely taught me to value myself I would not have had the friends I do today. Even if I had known this is how it would end I would still have come here. For fourteen months Son Number Two and I had a home and family. Son Number Two has had structure and cricket and someone who challenged him mentally. His growth has been enormous. He was telling me about things he’d learnt at school last week and I was asking him to elaborate and he could. Before Neverland he couldn’t have done that. He has seen a different way to live and good values to live by. He had a strong, very male role model for once in his life. Son Number Two’s love of animals has been fostered and enhanced by being challenged. I cannot possibly quantify the gifts we have been given since being here. And yes, it really, really sucks to have that all ripped away. But for a time we really lived.
A taxi is taking us to our next destination. It has just pulled over so Son Number Two can be sick. He is so worn down by events but remains resolute in his belief in me. I cannot fathom why. No Mother of the Year award for me.