Crazy for you.

I miss my Son Number One and Daughter Number Two more than words can say; it is a constant ache. It is only my love for them that let’s me know I have made the right decisions for us all. I am where I need to be, to be anywhere at all. My Son Number One is eighteen now and as much as he misses me and his siblings he chose to live where he lives. He is still happy with his choice. My baby girl, my Daughter Number Two could not have left where I used to live without Baby Daddy’s permission , and he would not give it. And I couldn’t have stayed. To Baby Daddy’s credit he has stepped up and she is being cared for and loved and looked after. But OH! how I miss my children.

In the six months since I moved Baby Daddy has not sent me one photo of her. He couldn’t find his camera. Now he can’t find the cord to recharge it or hook it up to the computer or something. And his phone plan won’t let him send me picture messages, he says. The only photo’s I’ve had of my Daughter Number Two are ones that Son Number One has taken for me, and sent to me. He has also taken some of himself as well and it’s oh so good to see them both. They have both changed and grown so much and Daughter Number Two’s beautiful long strawberry blond hair has been cut several times, shorter now than I’ve seen it since she was a toddler.

It saddens me for my little girl that there are six months of her life, so far, including her 5th birthday, that no one has captured on film for her. I am a photo fiend. And I may have said here before that I was so glad I was after my beautiful Daughter Number One died, because I literally have hundreds of photo’s of her. And they are not as good as having her here, of course, not by a very long shot, but guys, they are something. They say “She was here, she was here”. And photo’s of my Son Number One and Daughter Number Two, they are not the same as being with them, watching them grow, hugging them close – but they would be something. That my Son Number One, my guy with his chromosomal disorder, his ADHD, his Asperger’s, has been the one thoughtful enough to take photo’s of himself and his sister and post them to me – that blows my mind. How proud I am of him. How grateful.

Son Number One recently updated his computer and we’ve been able to video chat online. He sees his sister once a month and at their next visit at the end of this month he is going to video call me, so I can see them both, and so his little sister can see me. Man, I love the technology!

(I’m still feeling the love from my last two posts – you guys rock! Thanks.)

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