Hey internet, are you there? It’s me, Katie. The house is quiet and sleeping and I’m about to climb the walls. One way and another it’s been a big week and I can feel my game face slipping. Sooner or later I’ll pull myself together but right this very minute you’ll forgive me if I run into your warm embrace to keep the panic attack at bay.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s been some definite high points to this week. High, like, Mt. Everest high. Truly. But just full on, you know? And internet, even the good bits sometimes make me feel like I can’t breathe. Because they are so good it’s almost unbearable and I think ‘how can I stand it?’
And tomorrow my Daughter Number One would have turned 23. Except she won’t. Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future.
Soon, I’ll go and lie beside The Man That I Am In Love With and listen to him breathe. I’ll breathe him in while trying to match my breathing to his; steady and rhythmic. I’ll try to think good thoughts and go to my happy place. I’ll wonder what FRESH HORSES with Edenland will bring tomorrow and hope I can drown out the roaring panic in my head.
And life will go on.