I’ve heard that if you don’t attribute a value to something it renders it worthless. It led me to think about the things you can’t put a value on because they are priceless. Then I thought about the first rule of Ebay; something is worth only what another is willing to pay for it. This led me to relationships; how we value ourselves and how others value us.
I’ve spent far too long undervaluing myself and being undervalued in relationships. I’ve heard you can’t truly love another until you love yourself but I say bollocks to that. I don’t think I’ll ever get to the stage of loving myself but I think it’s more like the Aretha song – R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Self respect, which I actually have some of nowadays. Sure, I still have my off days but I also have my bottom line. Maybe the difference is just that I hate myself a bit less, who knows? Anywho. The point is that I’ve realised I’d rather be alone than be in a crap relationship. I don’t mind my own company and I respect myself enough not to put up with the crap I have before. Yay for me! But there’s the rub, because in any relationship it’s not just how you respect yourself that is in play, but the respect the other person gives you.
Recent observations have led me to think that sometimes you are undervalued because the other person just has no frame of reference for your worth. Because what you are offering is so precious that there is no comparison. Because you aren’t like all the others who’ve come before you. Because they can’t trust that you really are as you seem. In reality you are priceless but they can’t acknowledge your worth. Which brings me back to the first rule of Ebay; something is only worth what another is willing to pay. Some people just don’t have the capacity to pay. The cost to them is too great. It’s not really about your worth but their ability and willingness to invest. Sometimes it really is not you, sometimes it really is them.
The second rule of Ebay; don’t offer something for less than you are happy to accept. Don’t devalue yourself in the hopes of making a ‘sale’. You are not a going out of business clearance, or a bargain basement bin. Being marked down is worse than being left on the shelf. What you are looking for is someone who adds value to you. Where your combined worth is more than two standing alone. Someone willing to invest and reap the rewards with you.
Well, that’s my two cents anyway.