Day Dream Believer.

Mark Twain

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain
 
“No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true.”
Walt Disney Company
 
“Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.”
Anaïs Nin
 
In the last twenty four hours I’ve had a long conversation with an old friend and a brief conversation with a newer friend that both approached the same subject from different directions. My old friend was saying that it must be a novelty to feel happy and peaceful, that it will take some getting used to for me. He is correct. It is like a new land, where I have to learn the customs and become fluent in the language. A lot of the time I can’t find the words for things that I feel. Me, who eats words for breakfast. It is just that sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the positive emotions that words fail me. This brave new world is full of feelings; raw, untamed, uncensored. Pain is an old friend I am used to walking in step with. It has been a cold comfort of familiarity. A worn, stained, torn old jumper that has melded to my form like a second skin.
 
The last month has been like a rebirth and I am an infant; naked, vulnerable, learning to crawl before I walk. The things I feel are somehow in sharper focus, more vibrant and intense. Things are overwhelmingly positive but I am flexing emotional muscles that have been largely out of use, so there are adjustments to make. It’s not a bad job to have mind you. My newer friend, in essence, said ‘You have been talking about this for a long time now. You have everything you have been dreaming of and hoping for for such a long time and now you are quiet?’ And yes, sometimes I am quiet. Sometimes it is enough to sit with the peace and let the contentment wash over me.  The constant nails on a chalkboard screech and incessant hum of grief and loss that has been the sound track of my life for such a long time has quietened considerably. Sometimes I can hardly hear it at all. There is space in this peace for happy memories of my Daughter Number One, for all of my children, and there is peace in this space for me. It is enough for me to sit with it quietly. In my quietness there is acceptance. I am out of the wilderness. I’ve stepped back through the looking glass. I am home. I am HOME.
 
 
WILLY WONKA:  But Charlie . . . don’t forget what
happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always
wanted.
 
CHARLIE: What happened?
 

WILLY WONKA: He lived happily ever after.

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Comments on: "Day Dream Believer." (2)

  1. Isn’t it a beautiful place? I recognise where you are. I too often sit in it quietly, looking, feeling its wonder wash over me, absorbing the light. I’m too busy feeling the happiness to be able to say anything.

    “I am an infant; naked, vulnerable, learning to crawl before I walk. The things I feel are somehow in sharper focus, more vibrant and intense. Things are overwhelmingly positive but I am flexing emotional muscles that have been largely out of use, so there are adjustments to make.” This…

    x

  2. kate4samh said:

    Thanks for your comment Vicky, it made my day. I’m glad you can empathise. Today I am struggling with feeling undeserving; I guess some things take practise? ❤

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