Sexual healing.

It’s been a big week here at WKDN. I’ve had around 80 more hits than average on the blog, which is a LOT. So, thanks for dropping by, I guess.

One reader came through by searching ‘What do widows do about sexual frustration?’. I’m no expert here, but just in case they roll back through it seems only sporting to try to help them out. My best guess is that widows, and widowers for that matter, let’s be inclusive, handle sexual frustration in exactly the same way as the rest of the sexually frustrated population. Probably in exactly the same way as they did before they were widowed. Like, if they were sexually frustrated and their husband was unavailable at the time, for whatever reason. Because, really, widows are still just women, suddenly single.

If the searcher WAS  a widow, then I’d just like to say I am very sorry for your loss. For all of your many losses, that spread out like ripples from that one first loss. The little losses that you discover each day, and keep discovering day after day, until you think ENOUGH! Because there must be some kind of grief quota and surely you’ve met it already? I’d like to say that it’s o.k., you are still a woman. You are still allowed to have feelings. You may have lost your bearings at the moment but you haven’t lost yourself. Even if it feels like that at times. You’re still in there somewhere, and you’ll find yourself again. Your frame of reference might have changed, your perspective may be different, things around you will never be as they were before. Hopefully if you’re gentle with yourself you’ll find your way back. Or find your way forward. Or find yourself somewhere else, because however you are travelling this is your journey and no one gets to judge you, because no one can walk it for you.  And it’s o.k., however you feel, it’s o.k., and I don’t mean that in a patronising ‘there, there, everything will be o.k. ‘ way, because maybe everything won’t. What I mean is that any feelings you try to run from will sneak up and bite you on the arse anyway, so just feel them. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling and treat yourself with the same kindness you would if any of your friends were in your shoes, except better, because now you REALLY KNOW what it’s like. Internet searching? Hey, whatever gets you through the night is alright. Don’t judge yourself, or feel pressure to be a certain way. You don’t have to set any example, you haven’t turned into the Patron Saint of the Bereaved. You just have to get through. The best way you can.

The very best of luck to you all.


Comments on: "Sexual healing." (4)

  1. I sit here, stunned, lost, greiving, for a totally different reason. Yet I feel EXACTLY the same. although they don’t have support groups for losing your partner because you became addicted to pain pills. I get blamed for it, the bad guy, who should have known more than the doctors do about how addiction starts and how to get out. I didn’t, and asked for help, pleaded, but nobody knows how to really help so they run. Family, spouses, friends all shun you. The medical community can’t admit that opiates cause permanent damage to the endocrine system so they too blow you off. Loss isn’t the word, more like destroyed a once happy married man.

    • I think grief and loss speak a fairly universal language, no matter how you came to live with them. You are right when you say ‘Nobody knows how to help so they run’, but I think these are battles we fight within ourselves anyway; it just gets lonely at times. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, and for helping me feel, today, a little less alone.

  2. […] terms ‘sexually frustrated widow’; surely not coincidence. I first wrote about it here. Whether it’s a friend having a laugh or someone searching for something else I hope they find […]

  3. […] my blog by searching ‘What do widows do about sexual frustration?’ on Google. I wrote this post about it. Wow, that was waaay back on September 11, 2011! I mentioned it again in this post . […]

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