I had been putting off discussing my future plans in any detailed or specific way with my Father and Stepmother because I thought that my Father would be the hardest sell of anyone I needed to discuss my plans with. I was being a scaredy Kate. So, I decided it was time to bite the bullet, take the bull by the horns, gird my loins, suck it up and lay it on the line. I cooked roast lamb for Sunday lunch and invited them over.
I know that I am forty years old and that my life is my own but my Father and I are not close. We never have been. It’s not that we don’t get on, we are just very different people. He is old school. He is of the opinion that if I’d just give the boys a good belting that’d sort them out. I cannot speak to him about Daughter Number One because ‘that is in the past’ (I am not discounting or insensitive to his own grief here). I have no doubt of his love for me, we are just very different people. My Father was in and out of my childhood. My parents divorced when I was about four. My Mother would move house without telling him sometimes. He’s getting on a bit now and has some health issues that have flared up recently and he and my Stepmother have some things going on with her kids as well. All of which combined made me reticent to lay everything on them sooner.
The time had come. Lunch was eaten, the sponge cake my Stepmother had brought had been served, tea was made, the children had left the table. I said what I had to say. My Father expressed some concerns but really I could not have hoped for a better response if I’d scripted it myself. Things are falling into place for me. Every time something does there’s still a little part of me that is incredulous. Things have been so hard for a very long time. That is what feels familiar. Each time I step out of the uncomfortable comfort zone I feel more weight lift off me. In a couple of weeks I’ll be looking at schools for Son Number Two and showing him around the place we are going to live. Daughter Number Two is excited for the trip because she’s been before, but I’m especially looking forward to showing Son Number Two around because it will be his first taste of what our future will look like. The three of us getting to spend some quality time together isn’t to be sneezed at either.
On our way back we’ll be stopping in to visit with my highschool friends and their new, much longed for baby. Two of my highschool friends have daughters the same age as my Daughter Number Two so she will get to spend time with her little friends as well. So much good stuff! I feel a little dance party with Daughter Number Two coming on. Life is good.