Sigh. So, I’ve calmed down now, somewhat. It wasn’t easy, mind, with a follow-up call from Baby Daddy where he assured me that Daughter Number Two comes first with him with nary a trace of irony. Still, I think I was most angry with myself anyway. After all, I’m the one who had a baby with a man-child. I am privileged to know some high quality fathers and to know of others. I know they exist. I get angry at myself that choices I’ve made, to settle for less, have had such a flow on effect to my children. The internet yells ‘Doh!’. Yes, I know, it is rather obvious. Now. Just that I’d not realised how much I was settling before, because I’d never thought about what I deserved or believed I was worthy of better.

For far too long I have aimed too low and accepted too little. Baby Daddy behaves the way he does because I have let him. I am a lot better on this than I was but I shouldn’t have called him to find out when he was next planning to see Daughter Number Two. It is his responsibility to make his arrangements. I was thinking that knowing his intentions would make it easier to plan my own week ahead, but actually I can just plan my own week and any adjustments will need to be made by Baby Daddy.

Other people will be who they are. My job is deciding what I will or won’t accept.

 

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Comments on: "When the Dealing’s Done." (2)

  1. Tired Dad said:

    Hello. Not defending Baby Daddy here, but I was USELESS with grief when my family broke up. The very thought of saying ‘goodbye’ to my children (they were my life before they left) often made it impossible to even say ‘hello’ when it was all still raw. I let them down on at least three occasions.

    Is it that, or is he just a prick?

  2. kate4samh said:

    Hey T.D., fancy meeting you here. I appreciate your insight and empathy.Trust me when I say I understand what it is like to be ricocheting reactively around life like a brittle grief-stricken pinball and so I’m always sympathetic to same.

    I don’t think he’s just a prick. I do think he is immature, irresponsible and self-centred which frustrates me. I listen to my male friends in situations such as these, whose children’s mothers are at best petty around contact and at worst vindictive; good decent men, excellent, committed fathers and it makes me cross. The fact is that I could not have been more supportive of contact or of Baby Daddy himself, in every possible way you can think of, for my daughter’s sake. In the face of his overwhelming sense of entitlement and ownership I realised I was doing none of us any favours.

    I would never dispute his love for her, that she is his raison d’etre, that he thinks the sun shines out of her. He just needs to take responsibility for himself and his contact with his daughter. I can’t do it for him anymore.

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