Sigh. So, I’ve calmed down now, somewhat. It wasn’t easy, mind, with a follow-up call from Baby Daddy where he assured me that Daughter Number Two comes first with him with nary a trace of irony. Still, I think I was most angry with myself anyway. After all, I’m the one who had a baby with a man-child. I am privileged to know some high quality fathers and to know of others. I know they exist. I get angry at myself that choices I’ve made, to settle for less, have had such a flow on effect to my children. The internet yells ‘Doh!’. Yes, I know, it is rather obvious. Now. Just that I’d not realised how much I was settling before, because I’d never thought about what I deserved or believed I was worthy of better.
For far too long I have aimed too low and accepted too little. Baby Daddy behaves the way he does because I have let him. I am a lot better on this than I was but I shouldn’t have called him to find out when he was next planning to see Daughter Number Two. It is his responsibility to make his arrangements. I was thinking that knowing his intentions would make it easier to plan my own week ahead, but actually I can just plan my own week and any adjustments will need to be made by Baby Daddy.
Other people will be who they are. My job is deciding what I will or won’t accept.