Gotta love the days when you wake up to find you’ve scratched your face to ribbons. A change of medication earlier this year has meant that I am back to actually getting some sleep at night. Good. But as you know, sleep comes with nightmares attached. Not so good. Just reinforces thoughts that have been a theme of the last 24hrs. There will never be a time when I am ‘over’ the repeated rape and murder of my 14y.o. daughter by my husband and father of my sons. I don’t mean that I spend my days wallowing and wailing, that’s not how I choose to honour her memory. But it is a constant. It is what it is. The best I can do is learn to live with it, and really the only thing that achieves that is the passage of time. So, not anything to do with me at all.
No strength on my part, no skill, nothing to be admired or emulated. The only thing I have done is manage to outlive my daughter. And that’s just a matter of timing.