Firstly, for anyone who has been here before, you’ll notice I’ve changed the name of the blog. It is now the same as the web address and I just like it better. A change is as good as a holiday and I’ve been lucky enough to have a bit of both this week. I am trying to focus on the positive, which is that I was lucky to have a break at all and not be down because it is now behind me.
I am also enjoying a sense of accomplishment because I faced my fear and came out stronger for it, with new and useful knowledge of myself. Travelling to the Current Person of Interest’s home town, where I was living at the time Daughter Number One died, was challenging. Being there felt like a giant dose of deja vu. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Admittedly there were places I deliberately avoided, but my focus stayed pretty much with the Current Person of Interest and I felt safe and secure in the cosy web he wove around me.
And what a web it was. For comparison it was just as lovingly and skillfully crafted as the ones Charlotte made to save Wilbur’s bacon, with less open-mouthed gawping townsfolk. And more sparkly bits. And of course the Current Person of Interest didn’t blow it out his backside, but I couldn’t have been more amazed if he had. Oh, alright! Maybe a little bit more amazed! Still, in lieu of the slack-jawed townsfolk, there was me. Full of astonishment and wonder, my heart overflowing with his thoughtfulness and consideration. I think it is safe to say I have never been so well looked after in my entire life.
From the phone calls prior to our arrival to discover my preferences, to child proofing his apartment, to cooking us meals there were so many constant reminders that Daughter Number Two and I were in capable and caring hands. I felt very special. In past relationships I have had people be nice to me, be caring towards me, but not in such a consistent holistic way. Most of the time it has been me in the role of caregiver, the one focussed on the others happiness. There has never been a relationship where I haven’t felt that I have come second and it was a place I accepted willingly. I was as neglectful of my own needs and happiness as any previous partner I’ve had. In fact second place is probably optimistic since the children and other commitments came before me too.
I am enjoying being in a relationship where I truly feel I have met my match in every way. It is a meeting of minds, of hearts, of bodies and souls. There is a balance to this relationship that I haven’t had before. And I really, really like it.