As usual heaps has been happening. Son Number One is settling into his new school really well- cue Son Number Two for a turn of his school issues! The Current Person of Interest is down to his last few days with us, but in his first few days managed to contract Daughter Number Two’s violent stomach virus. The girl’s day/night was fabulous but left me wanting more, and I am missing my dear friends already. Oh! I’ve managed to move Daughter Number Two’s visits with Baby Daddy out of my house too!
While I feel gains have been made my Father seems focused on what he perceives to be my shortcomings. My life is a work in progress, that is not in dispute. There is much room for improvement, no argument there. I know that I don’t always do things the way my Father would but don’t feel that I have to. I am sure that some of the people around me are frustrated by my progress or lack thereof but I really can’t do more than I am doing and it is still very much a step by step process. The unfortunate thing is that my Father and Stepmother have been very supportive in practical ways, if not emotional, but the attached judgements are making it very hard for me to keep accepting their support. At the moment my Father is just the last in a long line of men who think it is o.k. to tell me what to do in a less than courteous manner.
This has directed my thinking though. I have been considering where I’ve been and where I’m going. Although I am trying to focus on living in the now, and being present in my life I think the past has lessons to teach me about where I do not want to go again. While my focus is on each day I still want to have a sense of which direction I am headed in. I want to be clear about what I want in my life, in my relationships and then I want to follow my heart.