Last week is a bit of a blur. I was not at my best mentally or physically. I decided that I needed to get back on track. Although the children are all in one piece the house looks a little the worse for wear so I have thrown myself in the day with resolve if not enthusiasm. Unfortunately I have just spilt a cup of tea into my almost brand new printer. I am naturally talented that way but as I shake the printer and watch rivers of tea continuing to flow from it’s innnards even I am impressed. Instead of making headway into reclaiming the house so far I am just making more work for me and possibly more expense too.
I cannot take all the credit for my day getting off to a dodgy start though. I had a phone call at 2.45am. It was a wrong number but that didn’t make it any easier to get back to sleep with my heart pounding in my chest and and every cell in my body on high alert. I think that got my anxiety levels off to a cracking start today but there are probably another couple of reasons for the pervasive uneasiness I can seem to shake.
In no particular order! I have a headache, as I have done all last week. So that makes everything feel more difficult. Don’t laugh but I was completely overwhelmed by what was happening to Violet in the Season Two finale of Private Practice, so much so I had to Google for spoliers this morning so I could stop worrying about her……Violet being a fictional character….hmmmm. Lastly but not leastly, and probably appropriately given my last sentence, I have my regular appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow. She wants to work on me forgiving myself for my daughter’s death. I am not sure that is possible but even if it is it sounds like damn hard work.
Despite feeling below par I have, as stated above, resolved that I need to pull myself together. It may not be much but it’s a start. And a start that is needed as another week of challenges loom.
On the plus side, my Son Number Two was at a friends house overnight and Son Number One had his first Saturday social group as part of the respite package. It was so good! He found someone to hang out with and had a good time. That made me very happy. Also making me happy is that I now have a date on which I will see the current person of interest again. It is still far away but at least it is something to aim for. I have also organised a get together for myself with my two best highschool friends in a couple of months. They each have daughters around the same age as Daughter Number Two, and this will be the second time in their two year old lives we have gotten all three little girls together. It is very cool!! I am looking forward to it very much.
A mixed bag as usual. All I can do is keep moving forward. Now I am going to see if the printer has dried out. Catch you later!