I awoke this morning feeling a bit fragile. The skies are grey and the weather is cool which seems to me the perfect back drop for my mood. I wrote in my last post that fear had held me back from taking the leap into the blogosphere and this morning I’m thinking about the parallels between starting this blog and starting a relationship.
Aside from fear I feel vulnerable, extremely exposed, and fragile. It is almost like I am made of glass, see through and easily broken. I feel brittle. These feelings are counter productive to being open to people and experiences. They make me want to curl up in a tight little ball with my eyes shut in the hope it renders me invisible. This is an eternal internal confict for me- to be seen or not to be seen.
My relationship history has been colourful. I don’t mean that in a Rainbow Brite way, more in a technicolour yawn type of way. I struggle with opening myself up to people without completely losing myself in them. How much is enough but not too much?
There are similarities to writing here. What do I write? What to leave in, what to leave out? Will anyone really hear me or am I just talking to myself? Maybe it is just important that I hear me? I don’t know.
What I do know is that I can hear the beautiful ‘Iris’ by the Goo Goo Dolls playing in my head. And the sun is peeping out from behind the clouds.